THE NEW ERA

RELEASING THE INVISIBLE HANDCUFFS of AUTO-PILOT©

Copyright© written and owned by Sandi Verley

1st Edition 2020

 

 

 

 

All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the Commonwealth copyright, Canada & USA Copyright Act, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system with the intent to share copies, without the prior written permission of the publisher/author.    

 

 

 

Author: Sandi Verley /

[Legal name Sandra Verley]

BOOK COVER ARTIST INSTAGRAM: cactithorny

 

 

Editor: 1st edition:   Sandi Verley

 

 

 

 

Mailing House Address:

GZCC Services, P.O. BOX 252

Garibaldi Highlands, V0T 1T0,

British Columbia, Canada

THE NEW ERA

 

RELEASING THE INVISIBLE HANDCUFFS of AUTO-PILOT

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER ONE

LIVING LIFE IN TODAY'S SOCIETY -  A CRUISE THROUGH THE ERA's

 

 

Where exactly are we finding ourselves in today's world?  Relationships are far more chaotic all around us than we had expected.  Trust seems to have been thrown out the window.  Reality shows us amplified and deviant behavioral characteristics of people when their masks come down versus what was initially presented.  The North American Dream lifestyle has fallen and lost its appeal around the globe. More and more people giving up and settling into singlism. Over and over again, couples are adopting the attitude it's better to know the devil you have versus risk a new one you don't know. 

 

We've gone from the years of the 30's, establishing a solid home-life,  where people could depend on each day as they awoke would be somewhat of a repeat instability, safe environment as the day before.  That generation set in motion the idea of a good solid home-life.  People worked hard for a living, developing civilizations as they called it back then.  Those who birthed companies employed workers and grew those workforces from a central point employer.  Employers over the years set the ground for job security.  It was a given; put in the years, be dedicated and those who do will have stability.  Putting years in meant achieving a retirement package with the company that valued commitment from individuals and returned it to them for their loyalty. 

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To understand the answers it's good to review where we have been, where our families were to see what occurred and how we got to where the world is in 2020 and going forward.   So many people want to blame X's, blame families, blame their friends, blame the pandemic...the list goes on...

 

Travel back in time for a moment: In the previous eras to the 30's it was instilled in societies in many countries the feminine's place was in the home, raising the children, baking the pies and basically running the household without a hitch for her husband. 

 

In the days of horse and buggy to the era of autos, birthed the expectation that masculine's would gather in places such as saloon parlors.  As society grew then came private cigar and drinking clubs for the higher classes, having drinks at work, on lunch were a given, and pubs for the blue-collar worker were acceptable in this generation for networking and business meetings or to simply unwind.  Males dominated the workforces across the industries in leadership roles, the feminine's role remained largely and expected to fill positions that assisted the male to dominate the world in achieving recognition and of course the woman's place was still in the home running the household whether she worked or not.

 

Still maintaining that marriage for a female meant she held up the household while their man brought home the paycheques.  Growing up meant being conditioned into society to take your place within the roles established.  The majority of women were trained to manage the household,  and the majority of men were trained to be the breadwinners. 

 

In the next era feminine's began discovering their place was no longer just in the household and began exercising their right to achieve their desired work goals.  Women entered the workforce in a bigger way.  Though the expectation was for the feminine to continue to maintain the household regardless to what she did for work. 

 

These women were forced to create their own network of supporters. Women began socializing, creating clubs and support groups that advocated for their voices to be heard.  They began requesting their partners share in the workload in the matrimonial home.  Though many masculine's fought this by continuing with their demands of their needs coming before the feminine's. The masculine society, with the feminine's who were holding onto their place in the household who did not wish to work, made it known for those women who wanted to work that working was her choice.  It was still her responsibility to keep up the running of the household in the matrimonial house.

 

During this era the woman became exhausted.  After all, they had grown up in an era that the women around them taught them to at all cost keep the matrimonial household running smoothly even when there were choppy waters around.

 

To understand why there is such a disconnect between the masculine and the feminine today it's important to review the eras and take note of the transitions within society and where some unspoken beliefs still today cause so many to remain stuck.  With unrealistic expectations of yesterday's eras versus the reality of the way, the world is today. 

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Let's compare this to the how in previous eras it was established; if you were sick, it was determined by industries you would be away for 3 days and return to work back in health and be able to perform your work duties.  When the superbugs surfaced it changed the away-time required to achieve health from 3 days to in some cases weeks.  Did the sick away-time permit change with this information? No, it did not.   Employers were stuck in old information that no longer applied in this era. If you were away longer than 3 days with a superbug your job could be on the line.  Production and meeting the numbers took overvalue of the worker or their experience; you were deemed replaceable. Job insecurity began to rise, which meant happiness in the home.  Always having to be on point lives became geared to meeting the marks to have a job which took the focus away from the household.  Homes lost their stability and became just a household and life became meeting the society markers versus love.

 

During the years when more women entered the workforce the attitude of the masculine's who were their superiors had the concept that if women were going to come to work then they will work the entire day.  No, they will not have a special treatment just because they have children. 

 

One has to wonder if any of those masculine's considered the reality of the impact their behavior would have on the future. Did those leadership roles consider what if it was their wife and their children needing their parent who couldn't run to the school when their child was hurt, upset, sick?  They were quick to ignore their own childhood and how important it was to them to have their mothers when they needed them most.  These working women were given no leeway or respect for being the nurturer for the young.  Who then did the running?  Those women rallied around each other the best they could, they helped one another, aunties, grandmothers, sisters, cousins, friends...a Woman's Network was born. 

 

ERA OF LATCHKEY CHILDREN:

Those without a network, their children suffered it out.  The latchkey children era was born. Did society stop and look at what this was doing to the minds of the young child, the importance of a child's emotional safety, the long-term outcome? Absolutely not.  Many children lost their lives during this transition or became deeply scarred emotionally from the multiple abuses.  Many young children fell prey to abusers.  This was an era that alcoholism hit its an all-time high.  Each time there is a world crisis the sale of alcohol and sex heightens...and the fallout is abuse...

 

The young child would often feel a sense of anger either to the mother or the father for leaving them out in the cold to fend for themselves when they did not know-how.  Abandonment issues heightened.  Many masculine's were losing their jobs as women replaced them in the workforce.  It was a growing era that more feminine's were staying home and in the masculine's mind this was not a choice, it was losing their jobs sectors to the growing forces of feminine's working those jobs. When a masculine loses their job and their feminine's become the breadwinner, this is tormenting to their psyche, masculine's stuck in previous era's of society's expectations that man's place is in the workforce and the feminine's is in the household, suffer[ed] greatly.  

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The feminine's were raised to run the household and masculine's were raised to be the bread winner.  When this dynamic began to fall apart, mixed messages throughout societies around the globe regarding coupling changed in the reality just not in the mindset. Unfortunately, the beliefs remained buried in the subconscious.  It's time for a review and update and 2020 is ringing that out loud and clear.

 

Up until the era of 2020, young women, men, masculine's, feminine's, trans-persons, same sex couples, grew up with the idea that when you found a partner and the ring was given, then came marriage.  Achieving these markers meant you were magically accepted into the higher realm of society...you made it...you fit in... you didn't have to struggle anymore.  Once you coupled then came the ring, then marriage.  Next you'd buy a house and fill it with furniture, have children...constantly believing you had to meet the next marker. 

 

It didn't matter what was going on in the matrimonial house as long as you were meeting the markers.  Financial debt hit many of this generation smack in the face.  Meeting the markers was so fast paced that by the time the couple reached mid markers in their life the debt was high and stress was the focus point within the four walls of their house-hold. Stress and tension is felt in the air. 

 

When masculine's lost jobs they lost their identity as the bread winner, to keep what they had obtained their partner had to work to meet the bills.  The roles flipped.  Society kept adding markers, computers, cell phones and clothing styles...as the children grew, so too did the debt.  The stress of debt caused many masculine's to become severely depressed and many committed suicide.  [my condolences to those who have suffered a loss of a parent, family member]  Many became drinkers trying to find some outlet of peace, happiness in avoidance of their reality.  Food for thought, "Just imagine if you were told that for now on as of today you must walk through life on all fours when you spent your lifetime walking on your two legs". 

 

The following words are sensitive and may or may not be politically correct to some in today's' world though considering the many generations who will be reading these words it's important we not fool ourselves to what mind sets are in the world whether we agree or disagree.

 

Many masculine's who struggled with job loss, blamed this on so many feminine's entering the work force and becoming leaders in positions they once saw as theirs, not the feminine's.  The feminine's entered the male dominant positions in various industries and power positions in management, owners of companies; in pretty much all industries.  Many masculine's found themselves unable to be the masculine in the relationship where their partners were in what they once believed was a masculine's role  [the bread winner].  Many roles were being flipped during the era prior to 2020.  Feminine's found it increasingly difficult to look at their masculine as the masculine when their masculine partner was now taking the feminine's usual role of the person who ran the house-hold.  Some feminine's deep downed secretly viewed their partner as someone who gave up looking for a job, took on secrets, addictions, depressed or other.  The feminine's felt slighted by their masculine partners who gave up.  The dynamics were all over the map in the era's prior to 2020.   Social conditioning to new forced acceptances did not change the heart of the matter even when people were trying to be more socially accepting of flipped roles, the core and root of the issues were not disclosed between parties.  Couples hid their feelings and why because they had no blueprint to discuss their actual feeling so they simply accepted the suffering and stayed quiet until they burst one day or just disappear.  Most feminine's want to view their masculine as their savor and most masculine's want to be viewed as the rescuer the one who can step in a make it all better.  Masculine's were raised to not show fear.  How do you have sex when the roles are reversed in daylight and by night the two try to flip the roles?

 

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All the while as society pressures grew, many of these couples had no idea they had walked themselves straight into what is referred to as an O.C.P. coupling.  A disease that changed the world as it silently attacked populations.  A disease there is no pill to take to cure. 

 

It was believed back in the yesteryears of the past that once you were married that was a contract and basically you owned one another.  It didn't matter to many about religion yet they wanted those vows to count, lean upon as the rules, a for sure contract that would last a lifetime...you had to stay together and show up regardless to what may be going on within you.  The reality was the ten commandments in a marriage contract were being broken one after one in droves and swept under the table as long as possible or until the breaking point was identified.  Some commandments broken behind closed doors, some that became public crushed ego's, crushed auto-pilot dreams sending many into deep depression, blame and anger.  When world's crashed so too did the willingness and trust...people fell to their thinking versus acknowledging their feelings and letting life flow forward.  Most have experienced this in life...

 

During the last two era's, people became so detached from their own being they became like human robots, hitting markers along the journey of life until they hit a wall.  What kind of life was it for these people.  It's important we look at what billions have endured to appreciate why dynamics unfolded around us to impact our youth and a part of lives today.  Many people sit in therapy for years before they can look their past; when what holds them captive in their auto-pilot and O.C.P. lives is more than just our subconscious issues it's also the science of water within our bodies contributes to how brains function to articulate our experiences through our senses.  As people dehydrate so too does their body's vibration. 

 

The decade before 2020 dating sites became a thing, first singles flocked to the sites, then married individuals, then came internet viewing of sex acts, nudes and why are all these things growing out of control and expanding beyond singles to couples and married couples.  Today many masculine's are bypassing the females all together and having sex with same sex partners to avoid the responsibilities that could arise by having sex with women who could surprise them with a child down the road.  After all sadly sex is sex.  Women gravitated and soared  the sales of vibrators...Why? People are trying to find some type of elevation to seek pleasure...More on this in upcoming chapters. 

 

Schools began taking on the task of teaching children sex education.  Why is this?  Could it be that parents are so detached in their own lives that coaching their children is the last topic on their minds.  Due to the latchkey raising of children and broken families, electronics, many children grew up with no idea how to entertain, create, raise or coach children as it was not in their blueprint.  For many cultures around the globe older generations have no concept of what is transpiring in the world today with the younger generations.  Those older generations are still living in the mindset of the masculine being the provider and the feminine is the keeper of the household and believing this is just automatically transpiring when in fact it's not. 

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Unfortunately, much of the sex and sexual identity education is being delivered far too soon in some aspects and not early enough in others.  Somewhere the fact of hormonal balances and imbalances that occur up until the ages 20-25 somehow have been overlooked.  Giving children too much information confuses them yet some require it due to abusers in their worlds'.  Couple this with the family dynamics going on in many homes has left the youth in 2020 absolutely off-kilter and in a world all of their own unsure of where they are going and detaching from the past eras. Families coming from various countries keeping up with the traditions that caused them to leave their country versus allowing the free will North America offered to some degree add to the confusion within their youth.   Youth putting labels on themselves before they have matured before their hormones have leveled out has created much confusion and frustration for youth.  Youth have been pushed to believe they are in this life alone, detaching from the sense of family; yet yearning for the family -  let's face it even wolves enjoy their pack.  When we can deliver the truth about how pop and dead water are causing bodies to be dehydrated and malfunction on all levels there may be a healthier mindset going forward. research living water.

 

Animals raise and nurture their young then their young are sent off to create their own world.  Today due to job insecurity, computerized equipment replacing jobs, and populations rising out of control putting housing and rentals out of reach for so many, youth find it difficult to afford a nice place to live to go out on their own.  Animals too are finding it difficult to find homes as houses go up in their usual areas.  Population changes the dynamics in more ways than one. The largest effect growing pollutions have is the impact on available living water.  As living water access is decreasing all living are suffering.  Did you know that bottled water is dead water and if you put a fish in a bowl of it, the fish will die?  Why? It's unable to support life...yet so many drink it.  Consuming dead water and or pop are the leading causes of depression.  Your body cells cannot communicate properly when you fill them with dead water products. Science...

 

Most children in what is referred to as civilized countries have been enduring much emotional pain in the past two eras [look at what they are drinking and eating].  The world has become broken.  Religion by many is looked at as controlling.  Offering marriages that so many no longer respect after living in pain for years due to their vows they once took that neither could live up too. Few marriages have lasting relationships these days.  Many in society look at religions as having become a dictatorship that has destroyed their families that were built on false dreams, some look at it as a second chance of faith, and some force themselves to believe things will just get better.  Politics have become a trigger for billions sparking anger for many voters somewhat like an oxymoron.  Family traditional beliefs are being questioned where the beliefs are seen as no longer working in the mainstream societies of who walks the earth today.  The generation prior, in, and beyond 2020 have much on their plate to sort out.  

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If you are feeling anxiety about now imagine how our youth are feeling, or the older generations who put upon their children so much pain unknowingly.  There is much blame transpiring, anger, and frustration in the world today as the old dynamics no longer equal where the world has arrived.

 

Many mental health workers in the field that have learned a great deal based on statistics and survey yet have they done their own emotional work to truly be in their seat as the professional?  In fact if this type of knowledge-based on stats truly worked so well then why are there so many family dynamics and the need for help growing out of control?  Policing is losing respect and youth are demanding new training differing from what was bestowed many years ago which no longer are effective in a positive light in today's society.  Policing is being seen as need a change from control, power, and abuse and worst of all disrespected by the very people that provide their income who hired them to serve and protect societies/communities.

 

It's time for an overhaul and 2020 is showing signs much shall be amended in how society operates going forward.  New footstones are being laid, as the youth brazen new pathways to future generations.  The youth are not staying silent and they are seeking truthful answers.

 

During the years raising my child it was very evident that those many parents who happily dropped their children off at our home were doing so knowing their children were able to be children without the burden and play like children. Some parents dropped their children off for the simple fact they had little desire to create happy lives for their children or just too busy to bother.  Once they had their children, those children became liabilities, burdens sadly to say.  I gladly allowed the children to come knowing that those children would have positive experiences and build memories of fun, unlike their actual day-to-day life.    

 

I noticed that many parents were farming their children out anywhere; clubs, activities, courses anything at all they could enroll them in versus teaching them or taking the time it took to create activities in their own households.  The parents seemed more focused on the sideline activities of their child's clubs with other parents than the exhaustion and immense unhappiness their children were struggling with by always being on the go.  Many of these children dreamt of just being able to stay home and have fun at home or simply rest.  They loved coming to our home to experience what they dreamt a home-life to be.  There was a reason these parents acted in this manner.     

 

When these children came to our home they would play, snack, and sometimes just relax in the family room by the fireplace and yes with cookies and hot chocolate, sharing stories and creating crafting projects.  The children road ATV's, swam in the pool, spent hours on the trampoline, hikes, BBQ's, baking cookies, design their own slushies.  Every day was a fun-filled day around our home. 

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All in all, children dream for loving parents, family times, and most of all the experiences that create positive memories.  Unfortunately a great deal of the youth today have been forced to be raised in single-family homes and prior to their parents separating many endured a great deal of abuse; verbally, emotionally, physically and some sexually.   We wonder why youth do not want to partner these days...

 

During the last era with cell phones and electronic internet pads, many children are being swayed by what they are viewing.  Just because parents from the last era grew up seeing cartoon characters and believing many of them were harmless and cute they had/have no idea what their children are or were watching.  No idea of what anger issues they were adopting, coping skills, and much more by those characters who were shaping the child's mind. Those parents had and still, today have no idea how corrupt many cartoons were and how much they affected their children.  The behaviors and what these shows teach children has gone on unseen, many games display behaviors that many parents are not monitoring and why because the parents are absent in this area.  Parenting for many has become as soon as a child can hold a cell phone or electronic device it's put in front of the child to entertain them vs. exploring their creativity. 

 

In many societies families, today are being gravitated towards life in an apartment-type dwelling where there is little to no backyard areas for children to just enjoy backyard home play.   Dwellings are becoming smaller and smaller that lack room for children to have friends in to play due to noise factors for neighbors and strata rules.  The family residence is no longer to most children a creative place and many no longer a safe place to grow naturally.  Children can feel the negativity from their parents and what is it the parents think they are hiding?   Energy is felt by all within the household regardless of size.  The unhappiness runs ramped through the dwelling.  Children live in confinements and we wonder why today's youth are so emotionally detached.  They are being raised in fear and have little exposure to nature, the sun, and fresh air. 

 

Sure there are big houses with paved front yards these days and how many of these houses do you see children outside in their backyard playing.  No, they are on cell phones, social media, playing electronics everything other than interacting with others in nature.  Families arrive at their address, open their garages and that is the last you see of them. 

 

Younger individuals in the years prior and including 2020 have reduced personal emotional communication skills or room for mistakes.  Much of what has transpired from the latchkey children having to fight to be seen, to be heard are affecting the changes in society.  The internet chastises people in a heartbeat and can ruin their lives in moments.  The threat alone is extremely stressful to perform politically correct each moment in their lives.  As an older adult listening to the transitions of language in the years leading up to and arriving into 2020 most older generations have no idea what the youth are saying.  Much of the previous era languages have flip meanings in today's meaning with the youth and the youth to the older generations.  There is no library to transform the older vocabulary to understand the youth today's vocabulary.  In 2020 there is an app for almost everything except inner happiness and the new language era.  There are many, many professionals offering services in mental health, yet how many of them leave the user out in left field.  Unfortunately far too many.  People are exhausted by their searches online today to the point many are simply giving up and isolating themselves, getting lost in online entertainment. 

 

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The individuals who became overweight, socially unadapted, unable to keep up with the trends are hiding, believing they are socially unaccepted; trapping themselves into rooms with their computers, and becoming individuals many fear on the net to gain power and control somewhere in their lives...Over the years working with clients the pain button that was highlighted over and over again early on was the subject of "feelings/emotions/ / triggers".  People for generations have raised focus to any area except their feelings / their emotions even though they are drowning in their suppressed emotions.  There is much misconception in regards to emotions across most societies. 

 

There is a model available that for many shed light on awareness of the four aspects of human beings: Our physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental sections that shape us as people.  Balancing all four of these areas is a key goal to establishing healthy self-esteem.  The question is how and where are our feelings/emotions within our own being to achieve the greatest asset of this tool?  A link will be provided at the end of the book to the historical Medicine Wheel much unlike a version being marketed in the mainstream.   

 

People have come to a place where they share what they think all too often versus what they feel, the emotional value within one another and they wonder why they are unable to communicate clearly; why other people in their lives just don't see their value... Who can see the value in someone who simply just thinks; stuck in judgment, blame, and unhappiness driven by their ego?  Trust is broken when a person showcases themselves to another in their thinking mode versus their emotional mode.  Love cannot exist in our thinking...Our four sectors are of our human being self are equally important so when one part is missing how is it our wheel can rotate smoothly through life?  People are operating on auto-pilot in most areas of their lives versus what they feel through their emotions, what they know to truly be true.  They are glossing over the reality when it does not match up to their beliefs[thinking] from lacking the tools to move past what is holding them hostage in, invisible handcuffs.  [thinking is not logic]

 

In 2020 the New World individuals are looking for real, honest, and truth they can trust as the world around them based on falseness continues to crumble under their feet each passing day.

THE ERA's

 

Before concluding this chapter recapping the average readers' era so we can begin to look at where many find themselves today to begin to identify where you hope to arrive...a great deal happier. 

 

Today everyone wants a quick fix and this information will unfold you into a new place of your choosing...versus revolving around the old era's into the new one for you designed by you. If we cannot see the core of the issue how can we address it?

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From the cattle farm era to when cities were being built, those societies set the stage for how North Americans would live their lives and coupe, for years ahead, and the world would look at and adopt as the way to follow.  The years when the masculine's were the breadwinners; feminine's were groomed to manage the household.  During those years a single woman in her 30's was frowned upon, she would take on roles that were average though meaningful to her and conceived as un-couple-able. In those days being single was not a place a woman wanted to find herself.   

 

The next Era was business, corporations.  The masculine's lives were centered around becoming the general manager, the top in their fields while growing a life-long commitment with their employer.  An Era where corporations valued their dedicated workers and showed appreciation.  Women were still groomed to run the household; wives were expected to attend functions, look good; eye candy on their partners' arms, position themselves in clubs and society in which supported their partner looking good in the eyes of the corporations their husbands were employed by.  Women were provided housekeepers, sitters, and yard help in many households.  The children were well kept and well maintained.  The mothers ensured this for their children.  "The All American Lifestyle was born".  Not everyone lived quite this way though it became the goal world-wide. 

 

As the era's unfolded the masculine continued in the mindset of when they would arrive to the household from work their needs would be looked after and generally were.  The masculine's jobs were to light the BBQ, read the paper, take the family to the lake on weekends, take out the garbage, chop the wood.  The masculine's spouses were responsible to shop, gather the household goods, ensure the household was clean, organized, make and maintain appointments for the family, and tend to the children and or animals.  Being a housewife was recognized as a full-time career/job back in those days and respected as such. 

 

 

The Next Era:

 

 

Then came the Era where women entered the workforce.  Still expected to run the household and tend to the children.  The feminine became exhausted.  They had been raised to run the household, then came the added responsibility of working; later to become the straw that broke many a camel's back during this era.  This is the Era where the world saw the once admired North America Lifestyle begin to unravel, develop cracks.    

 

Women found it increasingly difficult to maintain the household 100%  or do it alone... the combination of the household, tending to the children and working became burdens.  Many couples divorced during this era due to the silent war in their households with their partners or their anger, frustration many women endured from feeling overworked, undervalued, and unappreciated.  The masculine's were stuck in the previous era of coming home and putting their feet up and the feminine whether she worked or not, her job continued in the masculine's mind to uphold the household, be the caregiver to them and the children if they had them and or animals.   

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The Next Era:

 

This era was an era where addictions maxed out. Divorce hit record highs.  Latchkey children at a high. Couples, people in general were falling apart equally as the family structure was falling apart the " NORTH AMERICAN LIFESTYLE" was fading away.  Children raising themselves or the internet became their parents, their models of interaction.  The internet took over lives paving the way to live life in avoidance of emotions, replacing human interactions or body language with text to hide behind screens. Children with issues learned the only way to survive was to ignore them, suppress their feelings into non-existence, to later numb them within an addiction as they surfaced.  [Addictions can be anything from alcohol, drugs, meds, chocolate, right thru to sports, clubs etc. anything that provides an escape route from the interpersonal responsibilities they lacked].  Moderation went out the window.  Unfortunately, this era began to hit the wall with excessive and compiled generational beliefs and maxed burdens to the degree any physiologist can find a label for the average person at any given time.  Emotional accountability went completely out the window.  Trust, ethics, appreciation, and self-love were not a part of households or relationships. When an individual began to awaken and become aware of truths they were tormented by those around them saying they are crazy.  When others detach they sense by acknowledging that person's freedom or difference may mean change in their own world / O.C.P. lifestyle; it's safer to up walls than change. When one person changes, how others interact also has to change or be left behind.

 

Interviewing many O.C.P. couples today the masculine will still tell you that their feminine partners' job is to maintain the matrimonial household, whether she works or not.  A small percentage will say they try to be equal with their partner, though admit deep down they fall back into the masculine's castle attitude far too often.  Initially, both individuals believe their relationship is based on what they believed to be love yet feel no love nor passion, have a lack of true devotion to self or balance.  The majority of individuals in a relationship today admit to feeling very much alone within it and detached from their partners' emotions.  Many feminine's though appreciative to have help within the household, remain in heart desiring their masculine to be the protector and the head of the household on one hand and display a masculine persona of previous eras while at the same time pushing for equality.  What is equality to you?

 

Masculine's were built to have a persona of being the caretakers, the providers, while feminine's became the gatherer's, the matriarch of the household.   When we remove historical behaviors, society, and personality land markers then how are these couples going to cope?  How are they to view one another; what happens when we live without expectations in their day-to-day life or can they is the question?  What then makes the masculine the masculine and what constitutes a feminine?  This is what 2020 and forward will define.   There are dynamics to be acknowledged and work for individuals to do within themselves before these two species can set the new stepping stones to walk forward on a solid foundation for themselves and others going forward by how they raise their children if they have been able to have children or want to bring children into this society. 

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The New World will have a much deeper value as individuals decide for themselves what works and how they want to live life and let go of what no longer meets their new reality.  In 2020 we began to see around the globe young people speaking out and refusing to be controlled as the historical era's once accepted without question.  As the old ways no longer have this new trailblazer falling in line with past beliefs.  This era will redefine the words of relationships with self and others in unions to create new societies, new ways of being that bring balance. 

 

Mixed messages and oxymorons are no longer acceptable. The children watching, experiencing, wounded from the past era are the reality of the young adults we see today regardless to culture or color growing stronger every day though authorities try to push them down they rise up with their voices. 

 

There is one thread that has yet to be explored: Each an individual's actual feeling and where feelings come from within you.  We've heard talk about feelings and emotions yet few have truly explored this area.  Feelings are not just words.  Feelings are energy and energy is felt correct?  Like when you get an electric static shock, you feel this..it's energy.  Until you know where your feelings come from the chances of sorting out your life will be a lengthy journey. I have in my life-time so far only met four people who knew the answer to that question sadly enough.     

 

You want to know why relationships in your life have not worked, why they are not what you want?  The answer is you have not had the experiences in life you were meant to have because you have yet to awaken the you within you. You are stuck in yesteryears and beliefs that no longer are applicable in today's NEW WORLD.  You are stuck in how things are supposed to be versus how they are and who you are.  How can you know how you are feeling if you have no idea where you go to get that information within you.  Until you do this you will remain in the invisible handcuffs of auto-pilot and many of you in the O.C.P. compound called your life, running around and around in that place you and those before you built within your mind and keeps you imprisoned.

 

One year at the end of a six-week program for Seniors the group chose a speaker to share with me the impact the information shared had upon her and others.  This 82-year-old woman with 2 Master Degree's and 4 Bachelor of Art Degrees, stood across from me and shared the following:

 

"Before coming into this program I have spent most of my life an adult, and most of my life I have been a mother...I spend a majority of those years angry inside and frustrated because my family and others just didn't get me, they never saw me and though I showed up I didn't share much!  You can tell by the education degrees I gained to busy myself. Through this workshop, I have come to see it was because of how I was communicating with them.  I never knew where my feelings came from to acknowledge them to myself let alone to truly share how I felt with anyone until now...So I, and the others here want to share with you our gratitude as now all those who know me are experiencing the real me and I am feeling seen and heard and every day I am so much happier..."  I did not learn any of this in all the education I studied and it took coming here at this age to finally show up in my own life and be happy and I honor you.  [This woman brought tears to my soul. Unfortunately, I cannot share the whole story here though one day you may hear me share it somewhere]

 

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Education of certification does not teach you the skills of you.  So many professions have spent years trying to discover the core of all this personal process.  After all the training of billions over the years it does take sharing a few tools with people before they can tap into that place and once they do their lives are unleashed...it's a beautiful place to be witness to...

My own child as an adult is out in the world on their journey.  People wonder why they have issues here and there.  It's simple, it's their journey and their lessons and life. I am not their counselor.  [Almost all children at some point want to prove their parents wrong or blame them it's an easy escape from accountability, one can't take it personally]. As their mother, I shared information here and there and assisted initially in constructing their boat for them to go off on their own journey in life.  I do not choose the water they take their journey upon.  I am not in charge of the weather they will encounter.  It's up to them now to navigate the waters they choose.  When each individual is ready they will find the information they seek just as each of you who are reading this right now are doing.  If you were not in the right place to pallet new information that may assist in filling the holes in your boat at this time you would not be here reading...you would just spend more time paddling and bailing until you realize there has to be a different way and set out to find one [example: could you plug the holes with floating kelp for example? Could you have prepared yourself for the journey ahead? Could you have brought tools and supplies?]  It's all about how important keeping your boat afloat to get from one shore to the next is for you...

 

The generations living in 2020 they are a big deal as those who awaken become the new leaders, the new trailblazers setting the new stage for what many are referring to as THE NEW WORLD.  Why?  The reality of what has been transpiring in households is no longer acceptable.  Young people know they do not want their children to grow up to have broken dreams or set out into a broken world as they were.

 

So what have we learned up until today?  This era of  2020 has endured unspoken expectations; pent up anger; explosions of attitudes, lies, untruths, guilt, expectations of sexual identities, unrealistic values and beliefs, and a great deal of silence between people who were partnered based on O.C.P. parenting styles and yet have no idea what O.C.P. is.   People are breaking away from what was creating what is and can be and seeking answers and the truth for a stronger foundation.   

 

Here is where you want to take a walk, have a bottle of water, a cup of tea, or coffee, and just allow yourself to look at how your household was during your upbringing before moving onto the following chapters.  In the next chapters, some find initially the information difficult to pallet and why is when you see your life in one of the categories it will stir up a response, whether it is good or not so good will be reliant on how you face the truth, how you face reality...and what you are willing to do for yourself and the choices you make going forward... 

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CHAPTER TWO

THE PORTAL TO THE NEW WORLD

 

We hear talk of a New World.  If we can look ahead as this era unfolds and populations continue to seek new paths, setting new stages being trail blazers for the generations that will follow are opening doorways into a more balanced life all the way around.  It will be vital for those leaders who step out to brazen the new paths forward to be equipped with the awareness and truths of their inner self; having become awakened to the patterns of the previous era's  and generations.  This generation is opening new doorways of development and societies to which are able to have a much broader span of acceptability.  

 

In general conversation with most young people today it's clear they are hesitant to enter into a relationship.  Though each day the singles and the youth have been bravely putting on their faces, their masks and venturing out into the world hoping, wishing that maybe, just maybe today is going to be the day they meet  their person.   In actual fact more people spend most of their day in the hopes, daydreaming of a partnership / life they vision in the secrets of their mind they dream could be.  Why is this?  

 

There are so many markers to meet even prior to accepting a coffee date, let alone attempting to open up to another and what is it a person is expected to open up about.  We hear talk of feelings yet how many of you actually know exactly where you go in your body to determine what it is you are feeling? Considering a human being functions on their core feelings is it then not one of the most important features to educate yourself upon and where it is in your body?

 

Before we travel down the path of feeling, taking a walk through auto pilot is necessary. 

 

For most people prior to reading this book the majority of people are living their lives in auto-pilot having no idea what that means.  Some of the trail blazers from 2020 are beginning to awaken and move out of auto-pilot, first they must unravel the twisted tangled webbing of auto-pilot and what is O.C.P. and know where their feelings stem from to set the next stepping stones.  People are looking and all they read and hear out there is, " share your feelings".  I find myself chuckling.  Somewhat like when people hear the words pH Balance they think that  means a product is good for your hair.  No it's not unless the label states clearly what the pH is and needs to be by the way 4.5 -6.5 for hair.  Want to know more than read: WATER EQUALS YOU on Amazon.

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We all know CONTROL has lost its appeal; people are rejecting all aspects of this word pushed upon them and more so due to the pandemic, and all the losses it's caused.  Many theories and mixed messages over numbers, truth, and facts.  The FACT REMAINS, none of us are getting out of here alive; yes we are all going to die each and every one of us so how do you want your life to evolve while here?  There will always be thousands of people dying each and every day around the globe it's the fact of life itself.  People are controlled by fear when the reality is we are all going to die.

 

A peak in the door example:  Imagine a usual position for yourself as you sit.  Who in your life sat in that position when you were growing up? What was the message you received by viewing that person as you viewed them sitting that way?  Are you attempting to give your on seers the same message?  If so then how on earth would your on-seers know what you are trying to convey?  We take on behaviors and beliefs from many historical generations of each of our parents and those around us.  We are a walking history book of behaviors and beliefs that chain us with invisible handcuffs.

 

When you were a growing baby within your mother's womb you were aware of her senses and how she reacted to the world around her, by what she consumed, her behaviors to actions that affected her.  Once you were born all your senses absorbed the actions and reactions around you.  As you began to operate your body you did so by what you saw, what you were experiencing, and how your body reacted.  Imagine if you were told you could never walk and if you tried, your bones would snap in many pieces.  Would you attempt to stand?  Most people do not look or take time to look at what their generations before them bestowed within their minds, beliefs and simply believe they are living their lives, making their own choices when in reality they are living in auto-pilot of generations before them trying to make it work in where the world has arrived.   Marriages built on thin ice risk a fall through as a person walks across the ice... As people hit walls in their life they may reach out for new information or some learn it by the school of hard knocks.  Only when a person hits their walls, their hurdles in life, do they begin seek new information, and are willing to go within and look at themselves.  Only at this point do they begin to become their own identity and awaken.  Though to achieve your true identity you must know where your feelings are within you, where their roots are...where you go to know how you feel. 

 

Teachers and authorities around the globe have attempted for generations to mold you and yet within you, you still fight to find yourself.  The spirit cannot be controlled as it is fluid energy always moving always evolving.

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Unfortunately, a large number of professionals in the mental health industries have a difficult time unlocking this journey with their clients unless they know themselves where their own feelings are within their own self; in theory, how can one possibly guide another?   People can spend countless years in sessions and still live their lives on auto-pilot, ego, beliefs, religion, traditions, family rules, guilt, expectations of their surrounding society that simply does not work in their present lives, their spirits are trapped in a world they cannot exist or feel whole within.   Auto-pilot is automatically reacting then after the fact asking yourself why you behaved that way.  All humans experience scenario's as such throughout their life.  When was the last time you asked yourself why you did this or that, saying I knew I shouldn't have done that? After all the more we look at this the more we see life itself is a learning lesson.  We can choose to stay stuck and turn a blind eye to the truth through our bodies let us know when we are working against the very being we have come here to be.  Some enter into personal process work and after achieving the work through one of their issues, believe they are free of learning...As soon as we believe we have done the work...in comes a new experience, a new era, a new age group changing things.  We can however make the journey easily or around many obstacles the choice is ours each day.

 

Over years in another professional field away from though directed my path to study mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual wellness, clients would continuously state that the same results kept showing up in their workplaces, with their co-workers, what types of masculine's or feminine's they would attract.  Many sharing they wondered why they attracted that same kind of individuals in friends and partner relationships?   As we go through life operating on auto-pilot doing the do, day after day, we can expect the same events and reactions from those around us and who we draw into our lives.   A part of healing is acknowledging each part of you which only happens with the tools/knowledge to do so.

 

I often chuckle as people come to me for multiple solutions.  For example, I spent years flying around north america sharing about living water yes I work with technology. When people experience living water they find out that to drink that water it will cost them to purchase a machine they ask why it's not free.  Well, I share with them, I do not make the technology a company does and gee I'll ask them if all their workers could go unpaid who make it so this person over here can have one for free.  I chuckle those same individuals will spend countless dollars on pills and clothes, trips yet not a penny on what their body most desires.  It's the perspective of each individual of what is important to them and how much they want to suffer in their life.  I believe you get my point.  Be dehydrated or end up on meds to fix the issues...I read not long ago that the average older North American is on 5 meds...that is staggering news...

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CHAPTER THREE

LIFE IN  AUTOPILOT?

 

 

What is it almost every individual in this world hopes to achieve in their lives?  Is it experience LOVE?  If so how does one expect to achieve love when one is unable to love themselves.  If we are unable to tap into our feelings how do we expect to make healthy choices for ourselves?  Many people have made it their life practice to make their choices based on others expectations, guilt, beliefs, tradition, religion, politics or the society in which one lives; this is NOT making your own choice or developing your own beliefs.  Many young people enter into life-long commitments without ever having so much as known who they are or how they truly feel right into a life of expectations and meeting the markers in life.  Living life based on  constantly meeting markers leaves no time to discover oneself. 

 

When I was in my initial stages of research for this book I interviewed a number of Elders over 80 years of age.  It was sad as all but the couples who had found true love in their life; when I asked the others: "What is the one thing in your life you wish you had experienced and had not?" Each of them shared they wished they had made love to just one person in their life.  They though they'd been married and had children they had never truly felt in love or that they were truly loved.  It was heartbreaking to hear the same message over and over again.  Yes this was both men and women alike.

 

We hear daily on the news, in all areas of mental health wellness to share feelings is the key to unlocking pain to achieving wellness.  This sounds good in theory.  When people enter into therapy generally they do so by having recognized their life has become more in their mind than enjoying their lives.  They have an inner battle transpiring between their internal self, feelings trying to surface and external circumstances trying to keep them suppressed, confused as to where they are coming from yet causing so much anxiety.  This causes a tumultuous way of living.  Often this is seen as having emotional issues.  What are emotional issues?  Where do they come from?  Detachment from self and living for others.  

 

One can spend years in therapy, when individuals are unable to connect with the professional they were assigned too or after having waited on a long waiting list to get in the door of an appointment, the journey can be lengthened.  Individuals are encouraged to share their feelings with a total stranger who is looking to them trying not to judge them though still judging them, applying labels to their lives and asking them to share private details without first providing a trusting connection, or offering a sense of feeling understood for by the client.  The client may wrestle through months, some years chipping at the layers and in the interim feeling lost...yet as they walk out the door of their appointment they re-adorn their society mask.  It's important to share that many feel in the existing system that maybe they are beyond help as it seems no one is going to understand what they are going through...or be able to help them unleash themselves from the invisible handcuffs that bind them. 

 

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Working in the mental health industry over the years I would ask all clients the following question: 

 

When I ask you how you feel where do you go within you to check in for the information? 

 

Most individuals will say: "My heart".  I then share with them their heart is an organ and unfortunately not the core place of their feeling place.     

 

Secondly they will share: "My head".  I then share with them: Our head is our thinking and my question was an inquiry of how you felt.  

 

By the time our feelings reach the place of thinking massive autopilot information has transformed our feelings into what we refer to in mental wellness as "STINKING THINKING".   Stinking thinking has multiple negative attributes attached and all too often causes us trouble in our lives.  Controllers use the words, "I think".  Control=abuse.

 

Dismissing our truths based on subconscious beliefs bestowed upon us the scenario seldom lands on the favorable outcome.  The Medicine Wheel has been a steering point in the sessions with the tools I have offered over the years: [There are mainstream versions on the market though one that has traveled through time due to its ability to deliver fluidity and open doorways for many to find their own answers]. The wheel indicates feelings are exactly opposite on the wheel to thinking and why is this?  Thinking is a conjunction of mixed messages from auto-pilot teachings.  Seldom the truth of the reality.

 

Is there any question then as to why the word. "LOVE", may just be one of the most misconstrued words in the dictionary.  Communication is key to all aspects of action and reaction.  Are you able to be balanced with the choices you have made in the past.  The times that you enjoy laughter from your belly what is it you were expressing?  Stop for a moment and have some thoughts around this for a few minutes.  When was the last time you belly laughed freely?

 

Pure...healthy...true...passionate...romantic love is truly the most beautiful gift in life.  Once experienced one can never forget its' beauty... its' sense of aweness...its fulfilment.  When you can love yourself unconditionally opens the door to love beyond self unconditionally allowing energy to ebb and flow; to be fluid.  Unconditional love requires a foundation and that foundation has to start within you, the individual.  Discovering how to love all aspects of yourself and arriving to the place as some referred to as, "As above, so below" provides such abilities to discover what love is and the balance of our YING and YANG within each of us to experience it equally in another.

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AUTO PILOT LOVE:

 

Understand the difference of what we were told, saw, thought or we were led to believe the way we must live, markers we must meet and expectations to live up to and love just came when you partnered and agreed to marry versus first knowing yourself how to feel and feel free to feel each part of you.  Discovering who you are and what it is you truly feel ~ and attracting a relationship which offers balance requires your balance first, a true union that for some lasts a lifetime...for some lifetimes they say.

 

The information shared in the chapters of this book are based on experience, technical, science, and over 14 years of research....hundreds of interviews, some who were personally close and others who were unknown to the writer prior to the interview.  

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CHAPTER FOUR

TRANSITIONING IN LIFE BEYOND AUTOPILOT & O.C.P.

 

 

It appears growing up in many families, life whether the family/household unit be blood-based or other, our minds,  our senses absorbed behaviors, stories, spoken and unspoken actions of those around us within our exposure, largely determined our paths...mentioned in previous chapters.

 

It's shared within the counseling industry that we are the result of seven generations from both sides of our parents.  That's at least 14 generations that behaviors are within you this is what you bring to the table of a relationship.  This can be genealogy [cell memory] and or behavior, beliefs and others. Somewhat as a reference we hear people make claims of diseases passed on from one generation to the next which science has provided much information that is not quite the entire picture and yet so many believe what they hear.

 

In chapter two you read:  Before a baby is born they are exposed to the physical assimilation of their experiences stemming from the feminine who carried them through to birth.  The exposures we had before we were born via our mother from what she heard, what she smelt, what she consumed, how she processed her thoughts, her feelings, and how she reacted to life in her physical form. 

 

Highlighting these areas provides a platform to share about life in autopilot.

 

What is autopilot? Autopilot is any action or reaction an individual has automatically.  As you interact with others as simple as when they talk and you nod your head.  What are you agreeing too or disagreeing too?  Is it truly your own belief or one you were exposed to and respond to?

 

An example: One day driving my nieces to a destination.  At one point the oldest niece shared a belief she had; she was unsure why she believed but she did.  I chuckled, she asked why I was chuckling.  I shared that I knew why she believed what she shared.  It was from a time when she was four years old when I had shared that with her.  Suggesting as she went forward now that she has identified that belief she can re-examine the information and restore only what she believed vs. what was shared with her so many years ago by her aunt. 

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Autopilot creeps into lives by how beliefs are shared with a young child and becomes a part of their life.  Children who are yet to have an opinion absorb what is shared with them without question. 

 

For many years clients would ask why repeating patterns continued in their lives, in their jobs, relationships, and others.  Life in autopilot will continue to deliver similar experiences repeating until we learn new information to make our own decisions or re-examine the actions and reactions around particular events.  Until we approach the scenario by first having made our own choice based on how we ourselves feel after having had life experiences ourselves vs. what we believed in autopilot to be the way it had to be; the way we were taught to respond.   

 

The pages readers are about to read may or may not resonate with all readers.  Some readers initially may automatically want to challenge that their beliefs regarding the most misconstrued words in the library are the correct ones to have. There are three words during the years working in this field, people, in general, appear to hit their wall through life and become stuck until they gain new tools, new information to choose new directions.  The three words that shape lives.

 

#1  COMMUNICATION

#2  FEELINGS

#3  LOVE

 

Years ago a new label was discovered: O.C.P What is O.C.P?  O.C.P will be addressed throughout the upcoming chapters.

 

It would be ideal for persons prior to entering into a relationship to achieve enlightenment in regards to O.C.P. 

 

O.C.P. stems from living life stuck in autopilot.  Stuck in previous eras versus present reality.  Auto-pilot and O.C.P. applies invisible handcuffs before even being old enough to walk.  Some individuals have had to be medicated to exit O.C.P. relationships.   

 

If you or someone you know is considering engaging in a relationship, hoping to find a relationship, these chapters are certainly for those individuals...if the same issues or blocks continuously transpire for you at work, within your family, attracting the same type of friends, partners where the same issues arise over and over again...you find yourself disappointed in people around you, and questioning yourself...most people find the doorway to their inner self by understanding autopilot lifestyles, and the aspects of the O.C.P. lifestyles and how these may have been affecting their life and keeping them stuck.

page 24

 

O.C.P. is an acronym for Obsessive-Compulsive Personality - O.C.P. individuals live in fear of anything disrupting their immediate compound, their patterns, or in making a mistake they cannot correct.  Their lives are filled with secrecy and deviant ego-based actions.  The invisible handcuffs restrain these individuals from living a full life or experiencing personal happiness. Love without trust in our own ability to act upon what we choose is like a phone without service they say. If one cannot trust themselves how can they trust the world in which they live let alone discover a love that does?

 

Are you in a relationship that simply didn't evolve the way your believed would transpire? You are not alone and these chapters are for you...Are you upset about a breakup?  Are you depressed about finding the right person?  Did you feel misunderstood, never seen as the individual you know you are?  Are you making your life about the other person returning or getting even?  Obsessed about outdoing them, proving a point?  Has your ego taken over to prove a point?  These are characteristics of O.C.P.   This is what most people are fighting in their lives and it all lives within your mind.  Just imagine if you utilized all that energy into yourself.  How could you have corrected something you could not identify?  Physiology is far behind in textbook print and clinical sessions...circling around one trait billions are struggling with.

 

 

It's important each of you knows, I could have put a few sentences on each page and call it a day to get my point across if only I knew it was a different reality out in the world. These chapters are important just as they are presented.  After all, you took years out of your life to get you to your now which how did all that workout and how happy are you?  With these pages, you'll be discovering the dots that came together with you and from here you will choose to take a journey within yourself or not.  Some people will just give up and some are simply tired, exhausted with trying to figure it out, and will give up on happiness.  The choice is always ours how we show up in the world.  There will always be followers and there will always be leaders.  Each of you will choose which one you will be for yourself.  Understand this book is being written for many ages and personas versus just yours.  I choose not to be a technical contributor, I choose to be a storyteller.

 

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