AWAKENING FROM AN O.C.P. LIFE CYCLE
Before reading the following chapters understand what you are about to read is based upon subconscious behaviors. Be mindful as you read on. There is no-one in particular to blame.
Most people on earth are quite familiar with the ALL AMERICAN LIFESTYLE. For those who did not grow up with it... they have read about it or seen it in a movie or have been told about it. The ALL AMERICAN LIFESTYLE is the dream for many around the world...a dream they chase their life-long...Unfortunately, many who arrive at the top of their field, money to buy what-ever they desire there is always a sense of something missing with those who live in auto-pilot / O.C.P. live with an emptiness within.
THE ALL AMERICAN LIFESTYLE: Grow up get married, have children buy a home, fill it with furniture and household items, have cars, be a part of society as per say...These messages have survived throughout the ages until 2020 where everything changes... Many people are feeling lost. There are many who are stuck in their lives on pause and were more so during the pandemic that occurred. Many people around the globe have lost their jobs, businesses, families, security...the world's dynamics changed overnight leaving many out in the cold. Many breaking down due to being all the more confined and controlled. Depression hit an all time high, family abuse and so much more due to unrealistic unmet expectations.
Those growing up in the eras of auto-pilot and adhering to O.C.P. lifestyles who became subconsciously laser-focused upon the all great and wonderful NORTH AMERICAN LIFESTYLE, and set out in the world to achieve it. The ultimate goal is to grow up and find our life partner, become engaged, married, buy a house, have children and live a happy ever after life within society...achieving all the markers that were implied to deliver happiness...So why are so many people not happy?
How many of you have heard or been exposed to these messages?
How many feminine's can relate to growing up hearing the following messages from the women around you: When you look for your husband you want to make sure they are going to be a good dad or a good provider. In the back of your mind, as you mature there is a part of your brain that is programmed to find that masculine that gives you the impression, they will be a good dad figure or a good provider. Ultimately for most feminine, this is the masculine you will attach yourself to. The auto-pilot in your subconscious is pre-programmed for this particular selection in a partner to occur.
I recall the day my son's father was caring for my four-legged companion while I was at work. Upon my return to his house as I entered the kitchen, there was a pot simmering on the stove, the lid rattling with steam, he bellowed from another room not to eat what was in the pot. He was cooking dog food for my little dog. Subconsciously, this hit the ingrained key signal, he was cooking my beloved dog a special meal... this was the invisible message, the hook that hooked me into a 16 year long, up-and-down auto-pilot / O.C.P. partnership. He was going to be a good dad. (He was not, and today has no contact with his child due to the child's request) During the years of his youth, his mother traveled the world leaving him with nannies and private schools and the result was as an adult suffering from abandonment issues had no blueprint of parenting. We were doomed before we started though due to how my family dynamics mirroring the era's as was his desires were, was why he chose me. I would be the keeper of the household...
Those of you who are masculine's are conditioned with similar messages in movies, magazines. Seldom are they expressed by the masculine's in your immediate life, yet these are the messages of coupling a large majority of masculine's adhere to. The masculine identities are conditioned by the desire to achieve the NORTH AMERICAN LIFESTYLE. A masculine is conditioned to seek a feminine who will run their household. Her JOB will be to RUN the household, look after his needs, the kids, animals or what-ever the masculine decides is required in the household to be upheld. They will lead the " All American Lifestyle", in society's eyes. Behind closed doors, it is far contrary to the dream.
As your young or late adult journey began, so innocently putting yourself out on the market to find a mate, interacting, presenting yourself as an available feminine...available masculine. Evolving into the journey of life, confident in who your life partner would be by how you would choose them based upon the subconscious list. As you are listening to the perspective individuals, watching how they are reacting, you'll be subconsciously measuring them up to the messages so deeply engrained in your brain. All the while your conscious brain has no idea to the deeply engrained messages that lay hovering and taking the front seat in your pre-conditioned brain...You base all your decisions on your thinking. The Medicine Wheel teaches us all there are four parts yet one part is constantly ignored and pushed aside, seen as irrelevant and that is our emotions.
How many times in your life have you seen people you are interested in or know, partner with someone so odd to them, and you wonder why or how those two people connected, why did the masculine choose that feminine or why did that feminine choose that masculine? It was a selection based upon that person meeting all the O.C.P. markers on the list of traits.
Unfortunately, most people are held by the invisible handcuffs of O.C.P. from family, social, political, traditional, religious messages engrained into their brains of what is acceptable as they were growing up, which in turn reflects upon their partner selection.
When children are raised to accept O.C.P. patterns and responses, silently or verbally expressed by those around them and never clarified, conditioning that young brain each of us once had, to step outside of the conditioning is an unspoken unacceptable action. This is what is referred to as an O.C.P. lifestyle, with an eventual leading, individual into a very selective detailed list for choosing a partner.
A list filled with gestures of what the right feminine or masculine would be measured by a prominent masculine figure or feminine figure in your life as a young child.
Children raised in the atmosphere of O.C.P. adults seek to engage in a relationship that mirrors either what they saw, heard, or experienced growing up or what they believe would constitute what is believed to be the NORTH AMERICA DREAM lifestyle; period. The feminine runs the household and the masculine chops the wood so to speak. This type of judgment in a partner is difficult to live out happily as these individuals did not seek someone they could have an emotional bond or fulfill all four parts of themselves rather they chose the list instead.
Children were taught to ignore, look the other way with actions that do not relate to the core messages in our subconscious preprogrammed minds. When a person puts on a blindfold as the other actions are simply a part of life so you learn to ignore what often could have been identifiers / red flags one might have otherwise seen as NOT A MATCH early on. Limiting beliefs create fear. Conform or else attitudes? Once a person spends time with another they believe deep down the relationship will ultimately result in marriage as that is the norm. When it does not these individuals collapse. Their egos are bruised versus accepting they are simply not a match.
Children growing up in a household with parents who partnered within the O.C.P. conditioning; unfortunately, suffer internally until they do their own work within and sadly some never do or go partway.
Generally, children in an O.C.P. dynamic see little to no physical displays that showcase a beautiful love. Children see two adults doing the do, showing up with an emptiness within them. Many O.C.P. parents seldom share the words, "I love you" with one another or say the words with heartfelt emotions with their children, it is supposed to be a given because they all show up in the house to play their expected rolls. Or when they say it's an appeasement to their guilt they feel for not loving that person in whole equally. These O.C.P. couples operate generally in a detached manner, unable to express true love gestures in their actions. O.C.P. parents never discussed the meaning of what being in love might look like with their children and why? How could they know having never experienced such an experience themselves. Everything is about measuring up. After years of marriage, these couples seldom touch one another outside the odd kiss on the cheek in public and seldom around the matrimonial house or in private. The feminine keeps busy around the house in the afternoon/evening, while the masculine reads the paper, watches sports, etc. or has their separate activities that do not include the feminine in as it's considered their time; they go off into any activity to escape communication.
Let us assume the majority of readers reading this book have had parents who coupled based their choice of partner on ultimately being; a good father or good provider or, the feminine was chosen to run the household [O.C.P.]. Each based their connection on the initial impression their parents portrayed, just as you may have based your choice on your past impressions and so forth. You did so until discovering alternatives from where you were and become the one who breaks out of the invisible handcuffs and life in autopilot to find your inner balance and happiness. You come to value yourself and re-exam what you believed in and choose each belief to represent what you want vs. what you were led to believe to want, based on ego. You value yourself, knowing one day your life will end and will you have achieved what you wanted to achieve. Will you have experienced love for self in any of your life experiences or just fulfilled your ego.
An individual who has developed O.C.P. is unable to rest until they accomplish what they believe they were meant to achieve or better; large house, a car the list goes on. The masculine in the picture acts like the proud peacock, the feminine looks after everything, and well for many, sex may not be discussed in great detail, simply an act that occurs when the setting is correct or expected to keep the relationship intact and do the do.
COUPLE BEHAVIOR OF O.C.P.
The majority of O.C.P. feminine's as they experience sex will tell themselves and their friends they have great sex with their partners, and base that on having had an orgasm; they know no other experience than having sex often faking orgasms to keep the relationship intact subconsciously. Remember sex is an emotionless act. The race to achieve being chosen, deep down an O.C.P. individual feels a sense of contentment that someone is choosing or has chosen them, a sense of relief, they can now relax. They have won the race when they have been chosen or become coupled in a long-term relationship. They achieved the expected markers and measured up to society as they continue down the journey of checking off each item on the list they were raised to accomplish. So busy in life meeting the markers they forget about themselves...
Whether the couple gets along avoiding one another or discover issues about one another they do not like, these auto-pilot / O.C.P. individuals will at all cost hang in there to adorn that ring, say I do, to believe they have made it, they are living the NORTH AMERICAN DREAM of being married. The hunt is over. Their life is complete and life becomes all about what others around them see vs. their own happiness within.
Living life in auto-pilot / O.C.P. individuals generally become masters of masking their personal-pain. For many years these couples can become amazingly spectacular actors and actresses on their own stage playing out their lives. The unfortunate part of this is, both parties are feeling much the same and begrudgingly will not admit to one another how they truly feel...they have no blueprint to do so or nor would they consider releasing themselves from the relationship or allowing the other to be free. If they are not happy the other one can't be happy. Without a blueprint to acknowledge their emotions, how could they, let alone to communicate their feelings in the world in which they live. The old saying misery likes company applies in O.C.P. relationships. Rather than communicate or learn the tools the walls go up...and the compound of the O.C.P. circle confinement is completed and secured and locked down.
Over the years as the O.C.P. couples work to build up the household of where they will reside, they have their children, life becomes busy. [lacks solid foundation] Debt begins to grow, the frustration of their reality becomes much different from the picture they originally had in mind to arrive at. Each time feelings begin to surface, the O.C.P. couple learn to mask their feelings just as quickly as they come in. Both individuals keep doing the do by showing up in the relationship in the world in which they have created cementing sameness, day after day fearful of change. If one person speaks up it could change everything in a heartbeat of a moment. They keep themselves so involved in their work, children or other interests, and when they have thoughts of leaving it all they tell themselves that is impossible; what would everyone say, how could I leave all this, I will only get half of this, do I want to start over? Fear becomes the basis of staying, making it work, not how great they feel there.
Feminine's chosen to run the household become exhausted; the masculine's focuses on maintaining what they believe is their rite of passage regardless to whether the feminine works out of the home or not. These masculine's maintain their belief that the feminine never works as hard as the masculine and it is the feminine's job to serve the masculine, look after the masculine's needs. [ mindset ]
The O.C.P. masculine believes when the masculine arrives home to the matrimonial castle it is the masculine's time to rest. The feminine's job is to tend to the children, cook dinner, do the dishes, look after the pets, and to provide sex when the masculine decides it's the night and the door becomes closed with each other in the bedroom. This scenario plays out for a very short time in the big scope of the journey.
The feminine, in their exhaustion, begins to feel underlying anger. Eventually, the feminine ensures the masculine is sleeping before laying her body down to rest. Why? She is hiding from having to be faced with having sex with someone she no longer feels sexually aroused by; someone she knows has little appreciation for who she is. The feminine becomes angered/frustrated by her exhaustion. The avoidance of the masculine's touch is a chore she has to add to her daily task list she finds already over tasked and draining. She holds anger in her soul that this masculine she married has no clue of her exhaustion, nor does her masculine offer to help, the masculine simply takes her for granted until the masculine wants sex. The feminine wonders how she arrived in this place, where did this all go wrong? What could she have done differently? When is it her time to feel good? When is the masculine going to look at her as the feminine she is, versus the slave or spread your legs honey it's time for sex? [secrets]
If the masculine dares to touch her, she'll roll over or get up to use the washroom and lay down with the kids or fall asleep on the couch. She'll ensure she is fully clothed or she'll wait until the masculine is sleeping to enter the bedroom. The masculine senses the walls are up, and in their frustration wonders what they have done wrong, will this ever change? What's wrong with her. The masculine too develops pent-up anger and fear of rejection. The masculine wonders how or why they chose this partner? From this point often these masculine's tend to become easily agitated, begin picking on little issues and escalating them to full-blown-out arguments resulting in an escape hatch out the door. [avoidance]
Over time the O.C.P. masculine begins to realize if they want to have sex with the feminine/spouse the masculine must hang up their masculinity before they enter the matrimonial household leaving it outside the door. Yes! Outside the Door! The masculine must nurturer the feminine from the moment the masculine arrives home without demands and show appreciation. The masculine may bring allure her with flowers, dinner out, speak gentle talk, offer compliments, soft-touch, offer assistance to the feminine with the chores, and ensure time for the feminine to tend to her own needs before an evening to include sex is possible. The masculine must bow to what he believes are her needs.
The Masculine drops his mental swords when and only when the masculine desires sex; the masculine knows from the moment they arrive to the house to allow the feminine to feel catered to, the masculine / husband is geared for a night of bliss. In the masculine's mind they want their feminine to believe that they are the ultimate masculine, that they possess the passion within to ignite her, light her up. She readies herself in her belief, her partner is going to see her as the tempest she believes she is and that her masculine is going to make passionate, romantic love to her as the divine feminine she believes herself to be.
As the couple lay down together and the touching begins, all systems on go, up and until the masculine utters words to the feminine's that do not resonate with her expectations, she automatically begins to shut down remembering how she's been down this road over and over... the masculine senses the feminine's energy is not measuring up to their intent once again, she begins to emotionally draw-back as the masculine boards her. She turns to ice. In her mind, she says, "here they go again". She shuts down. The masculine can feel her shutting down, fear jumps in that she is going to call it quits; the masculine quickly ejaculates. In the fear of the feminine shutting down or saying, "I don't feel like doing this" and the masculine satisfies themselves as they know deep down it could be weeks or months before they are in this place again; they grab onto any attempt to have a release at this point, some satisfaction. The tension is intense as the feminine rolls over in disgust for allowing herself to be entrapped in a belief that simply once again did not materialize into her expectations or hopes of any romance involved.
The masculine is internally triggered to a deep-seated pain, once again the feminine did not allow the masculine to be the tiger they hoped to be for the feminine, she shut the masculine down and off again. The masculine is so sick of not being seen as the masculine that inspires her into having unbelievable sex. [emotionless] The masculine secretly equally as the feminine longs for a deeper emotional connection between them yet knowing they are worlds apart. These couples generally have the lights off.
Feminine's are taught to ignore emotions and sturdy down the hatchets until calm waters are reached. Masculine's are taught to reach for their emotions and demand their desires.
They both lay there wondering why they even bothered trying, and for days, weeks, and for some, months there is no sex, and for others it becomes years. Both busy themselves in life to avoid admitting what they do not fully understand. Secretly wondering why on earth they came together...how long is all this going to go on and on...why can't they be like other couples? The sad reality is they are just like many other couples who live in an auto-pilot / O.C.P. around the globe wearing masks much the same. Spending their time thinking vs. feeling. Controlling and oppressing = pain.
The next time the masculine suggests to the feminine to take time for a bath and relax... [fake romance in their eyes] she's seeing the gesture as a RED FLAG maneuver that is met with a, "no thank you, I am good". She will shut the door down the moment the masculine attempts to open it. Initially, she welcomes her added workload by having not fallen to the tactic. At first, she's so in her head she doesn't care, anything to keep busy as she wrestles with her anger within.
These are the individuals that feel so alone while tied into a relationship. Living separate lives from their spouses under the same roof.
As you read through these chapters allowing yourself to be exposed to different areas there is a process beginning to emerge...It's all a process and these chapters assist you in the preparation of what your world going forward can look like..if you stay stuck. Only you shall choose...Doing the work simply means allowing issues to surface and gaining the tools to work through them without guilt, expectations, blame, etc., even if your minds want to run, say oh that's not me, oh my X and I were so in love.
It's important we all look at where the eras took relationships, the expectations, and the fact that so many individuals are internally so terribly unhappy leading up to and including 2020. The unfortunate part of this as these couples awaken one day to roll over and look at their partner wondering why they ever married them. They feel they have no idea who they are... What a terrible way to live life considering we only have one life. What are the children seeing mixed up in all this in-house war zone silently attacking everyone's vibration and happiness...confusion...
I recall my mother sharing. "It's better to live in your own misery than look after someone else's."
The era's gave many individuals an auto-pilot / OCP lifestyle: It's a disease there is no medication for a solve. The only way through it to the other side is the whole body, mind, spirit, and emotional work which includes the missing link of emotions to the surface. Exposing yourself to new information, new tools, and patience with yourself, and motivation to feel free to feel to reach wholeness. Having an O.C.P. lifestyle for both parties is equally disheartening for both parties. There is no one to blame. A person with O.C.P. until they internally grow live dual lives one within and one in their life they show up in. Do know that those who become fully awaken discover a way to tap into their feelings and where their feelings are within their body. These people light up in spirit and when you see or are near them you who are ready are drawn to them and recognize there is something so different about them.
There are many programs out there on how to hook a man, how to hook a woman, how to hook a partner. Ask yourself if what you have read so far is a life you really want? Do you want to hook a partner or do you want to have a healthy balanced relationship first with yourself than to share equally with another? When you meet that person you are destined for there is no question? You recognize them immediately as your energies inter-tangle. Do you want a relationship based on ego, based on materialism, and keeping up to the markers of society or do you want to find happiness within yourself and a balanced equal to enjoy life with?
I could write a 2-page book on how to hook a partner and make millions though that is not what I choose to contribute to. Mind manipulation is easier than doing the work.
Take a day and sit in a park or at a mall and watch couples and families. You'll spot the O.C.P. couple by how they have dressed and their interaction with one another. Their clothes may match or be color coordinated to some degree... though these people seldom have a style that stands out. They will be marching through the mall, their children are not dressed tidy and often can be found snacking on junk food trailing behind their parents. Often mother and father will have the big pop drink or sugar snacks going on in their clutches and more than not their hair could use styling. O.C.P. couples do not touch each other in a way that would have you desiring to be either of them.
The couples who are in love stand out. It is not the ones who have the latest styles though what they are wearing is well-coordinated, neat, pressed, they are well kept and their hair will be noticeably styled. The couple will be touching one another more than they are not. Not in a clutchy co-dependent way in a way that every person walking past them can't help but to dream their relationship could be like theirs. Anyone around them will feel their energy. They may not understand it though they do feel it. The love between them, their interaction glows far past their immediate space...If they have children their children will have a healthy snack if they have snacks at all, their clothes well kept and hair will be well kept.
A GROWING EVENTUAL of O.C.P. WAKE UP CALL
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE PERSONALITIES & RELATIONSHIPS
O.C.P. couples will manifest a pre-determined fabrication of their pre-programmed beliefs for the basis of a relationship. Once they are in their relationship they will go to great lengths to protect it. It's like drawing a circle with a building within it's diameter. The relationship becomes an entity with its' own life within the compound of the circle. Once this circle is created, both parties deep within in their subconscious believe they cannot step out of the lines of the compound and if they do their world, their safety net will crumble. You can build high, just do not step out of the circle or else! [unintentional mind deception]
This is referred to as co-dependency when a person believes they need another or something to live their day-to-day life in order to feel safe. If they have personal complaints; they will gloss over and excuse those complaints telling themselves their parents had the same complaints or others they know, and all this is just part of life...As long as the masculine is a good provider / good dad and the feminine runs the household they will both put on their masks and show up in the relationship day after day, month after month leading into year after year. Some go on repeating in these patterns their lifetime and their daily lives become like a silent in-house war zone - avoiding intimate communication with one another.
The couple learns to exist in the world; ignoring the acknowledgment of their own true desires. If they feel unhappy they learn to block those feelings, caught up in a world of pleasing their inner pre-programmed mind or society circle vs. self. Each individual busies themselves and ignores those nagging deep down thoughts of, I AM NOT HAPPY, is this really how I am going to live the rest of my life, when does happiness start? When is my partner going to get me or appreciate me? When am I going to feel like my needs are being met? The list of self-talk goes on and on over their many years of marriage the never-ending list continues to grow.
In time as this relationship plays out, both parties eventually discover they are anything other than in love. As the masculine experiences hearing others who are or who have became single masculine's, talking about their freedom to date multiple people, exploring life, all the while wishing they too could magically do a do-over about their choices their imagination soars. These masculine's often take to the internet porn or other in secrecy.
The feminine, listening to everyone around her complaining until one day the same complaints begin to be present in her life and leave her mouth like the many others who spoke before her. Yet in her own relationship neither of them speak-up. She begins to listen to talk shows, online information. She tries theory after theory until she simply gives up and reverts back to showing up in the relationship doing the do. Accepting this is how it is, terrified to allow themselves to go into the world alone is far too much to handle.
Understanding that sex has no emotional ties for individuals is important. Many masculine's and feminine's will share that sex simply became a chore to have sex with their partners. They are tired of faking it or they just lost their sex drive...more on this ahead.
They become that couple where the feminine has figured out how to get things from her partner using sex. She's the one who will hide the new buys under the bed for a few days and then pull them out and when their partner asks if the item is new, the feminine says, oh no! I bought that a while ago... Somehow this justifies it all...[chuckling here]
When couples awaken one day wondering why on earth they are married to this person who lays beside them day after day who exhibits little behavior to express deep emotion or any level of caring about their emotional needs; it is terrifying. Not knowing what to do they hang in there, showing up doing the do, feeling trapped. They tell themselves welcome to the real world. Or remind themselves how much they love their belongings. They hang on with every excuse in the book:
Examples of autopilot behavior and excuses to remain in auto-pilot patterns in an O.C.P. relationship is all fear based stinking thinking:
He/she makes good money
He/she gives me what I ask for
It would be so much to deal with to end this
What would we do with all this stuff
So many bills
I can't get credit on my own
Length of time together
What will the people I work with say
I'll be seen as a loser
I'll look like I wasn't good enough
Fear of being alone
Maybe one is not working earning an income (guilt)
What are our friends and family going to say
I'll be that single person, No Thanks!
I am too old to go it alone
Where will I go
Who will want me
I am not attractive enough anymore
I'm scared of the unknown
I need to be with someone to feel like a someone
Who am I going to have
I'm afraid of an empty house
How will I survive
Who will cook
Who will fix the car
I won't be able to afford a nice place alone
I can't because...
Auto-pilot / O.C.P. individuals will consistently re-convince themselves they love their partner due to fear-based thinking society dictates and the lion or lioness is tamed once more. Secretly desiring to be in love, to be treated with respect, to live a life with someone who gets them, touches them in a way that no one else matters...lights up their world. They accept those kinds of thoughts are just a fallacy and pull their emotions back into the shadows of their skeleton-like being..
As a reader about you may be beginning to see why so many people are stuck, not just you. No doubt many of you will attempt to say to yourself right about now, oh no my partner X and I are or were in love, we have great sex and many of you will try to convince yourself exactly that. Years down the road you'll remember reading or hearing in your mind all this saying to yourself, I ought to have been honest with myself way back then. Oh, the years we have spent torturing ourselves and for what?
Generally speaking from this time on these two people simply show up in the relationship in their masks. They co-exist and pretend that they have a relationship. When asked if they love each other they will generally respond with a, "yes". After co-existing in the same house for years they generally will love one another on some level much like a family member, sister, brothers, or the love they have for a parent and thus becomes their excuse for staying or the assets or any of the list above. They learn to live without the intimacy they truly desire and emotional bonding. You'll see these couples at dinner barely speaking or busy on their phones or reading a paper as they are out for dinner. You will see them as having separate busy lives under the same roof. It is usually much easier in their minds to cope with the devil they know than attempt to unleash oneself into the fear of the unknown. They come to relish the time they work or attend functions outside the home as during those hours they can relax versus avoiding one another.
There are some people so traumatized by auto-pilot or O.C.P. behaviors and being chained by the invisible hand-cuffs they wear they have to be medicated to take a break from these types of relationships due to their beliefs and unrealistic expectations put upon them of who they should be. These individuals are generally classified as extremely co-dependent. They truly believe they can't leave the relationship so they apply focused value on their material possessions and what people may say over their own internal happiness.
Many people ask why neither of these individuals in an O.C.P. relationship simply do not just leave the relationship. Unfortunately, they have no historical blueprint to leave or coping skills to do so or fear life as living alone. No-one along the journey discussed the idea of letting go in detail. Society and therapists will convince them to stay calling their family in as a support system. The very last people these individuals need. Unless someone has done their own work how could they be a healthy support system?
For those persons who come from a broken household often became traumatized by the emotions of the single-parent household as single parenting is not easy. They grow up believing they are not going to be that masculine or that feminine who broke up their marriage no matter how bad it gets. Maybe they were that child who carried the burden of the single parent and to walk out of their relationship and be viewed by the family as a quitter or mirror in their mind their parent who left, they believe leaving is an action they could not face. The excuses and fear build from there. Fear continues to keep them in the compound. Fear of leaving versus allowing the explore life and find happiness what-ever that is for that person. This life-long commitment has not been working out for too many approaching 2020.
The O.C.P. individuals who cannot allow themselves to end or take an extended break from the relationship, fear being alone, [co-dependency] or their ego interferes - far too often they become bitter, depressed, and or develop anger issues requiring therapy. Oftentimes their anger becomes masked with addictions; alcohol, drugs or other (any habit they do regularly) until one day they spiral out of control and begin to crash. Some individuals believe deep down if they make life a living hell for their partner, their partner will leave them, and only then can they will find the escape hatch to freedom.
When the masculine and the feminine hold onto their auto-pilot / O.C.P. lifestyles and beliefs, their lives become a life of inner conflict each and every day slowly eroding them. Individuals in an auto-pilot / O.C.P. relationship either focus on what they can control or fall into a total lack of control. Generally, control becomes their auto-pilot focus of one another's lives versus their allowing themselves to be in charge of their own life as an individual. Who-ever is the controller is required to maintain control of themselves and the partner they chose even when situations arise. The controller, unfortunately, takes pleasure in their partner's suffering even during the silent battle within. As quickly as feelings surface they repress them to keep the status quo ongoing.
Individuals in an auto-pilot / O.C.P. relationship often have one of two behavior patterns: the controller or the victim both co-dependent of one another.
The victim persona takes on the behavior which loses desire for sex with their partner. Say for example when the masculine starts looking at their partner as a motherly figure, the boss of the household, the masculine's desire to have sex with this feminine evaporates. Who can enjoy sex with someone they look at as a parent figure, the ruler of the house of them? Or when the feminine feels overly controlled by the partner having grown up in a home of controlling / abuse where the feminine had no say, there is little value regarding emotions she happily loses desire for sex. When a person feels controlled they feel abused and who wants to share the most sacred part of their being and spirituality with the person who is abusing them?
For many individuals, as they begin to experience loneliness 24 hours a day, 7 days a week in an emotionless relationship is when secret lives and events begin to transpire.
The human race has identified that the act of "Sex" has no emotions, therefore referred to as an emotionless act between two parties. This is where the largest breakdown occurs in an auto-pilot / OCP relationship. Great sex is not having tantric lovemaking with another. Once you have sex with a person that relationship will never find its way to tantric lovemaking. Why because to have sex means you are incapable of sharing your emotions with that person. It sets the stage. It would be like trying to pretend cement is carpet.
O.C.P. RELATIONSHIP WANDERER
Society many years ago adopted the conception that the masculine shall be the ruler of the matrimonial home. There are a few types of wanders in auto-pilot / O.C.P. relationships.
Many O.C.P. individuals reading this will be asking themselves about now what are emotions?
Emotions are feelings that are derived by your experiences from all your senses. Experience> feelings [oppressed] > thoughts >[interference of auto-pilot] thinking = Stinking Thinking is the process. There are many more pieces to the process in the basic flow chart of a human being.
Emotions in an O.C.P. marriage are like an oxymoron. There is, however; ego, victim mentality, fear, oppression, and more mental issues that arise from stinking thinking.
FIRST GROUP: When the younger identities in an O.C.P. relationship representing as the controller seek sex partners outside the marriage they generally have multiple sex partners and generally one night stands; quickies say in a bathroom, outside a club, in a car, hookers and some choose male sex experiences that are quick and non attaching at least in their minds. They choose a sex partner at random, an individual who can be available at their whim and accept 100% no strings attached sex. They want fantasies quickly fulfilled. These identities who step outside their marriage do not allow, nor engage in emotions with their sex partners; it's purely, quick fast easy sex. Older masculine's who fall into this category do so as they are unhappy with themselves and what they have accomplished. They are looking for that quick fix to feel good. This group has no intention of leaving their spouse.
The older identities or those who have a victim persona in the auto-pilot / O.C.P. relationship who are lonely generally are not looking for an affair. They are not intentionally seeking an outside partner. They show up doing the do day after day, year after year. Their radar of discovering what feels good long-term is ever-growing much deeper and laser-focused on their emotional needs and discovering what makes them happy. They invest in toys, anything their ego looks at that causes them to smile from within or secretly gloat.
Often when these masculine identities step outside of the marriage it is all too often earth stopping for them. When they come face to face with intimacy in a conversation with a feminine individual or can be same-sex they feel the bond instantly. These masculine's are generally caught off guard by discovering a deep connection outside of their marriage. Often these masculine's tend to fall in love with the totality of the connection recognizing the ebb and flow within the energy between their equal and self. These masculine's become awakened deep within and is able to identify within themselves what it is they have been living without yet knowing it must exist somewhere; their desire of an emotional connection that completes their wholeness in self. They feel invincible finally feeling good in a way that is just fulfilling by meeting their equal. They are masculine's who have achieved their desired position in their life; at the top of their game and exuding confidence. They are so detached in their spousal life they can easily compartmentalize and shelf their other existence to experience the wholeness of what they have found outside the compound. Separating the old them from the inner self. It becomes a timeless zone for them.
This group has achieved their markers which they discovered satisfied their ego yet lead to an unfulfilling existence. They live a life with their spouse and show up in the relationship with the attitude if their spouse doesn't ask then why would they tell them.
Our society generally sets out to crucify individuals who have left a marriage physically which has been deemed an affair. Masculine's who have reached their marks in life who have stepped out of their marriage, do so for an emotional connection to complete their wholeness within. They are generally not looking though recognize the connection when it appears and take the risk.
When spouses admit to themselves their partner is having a second life elsewhere the threat of their lifestyle changing the O.C.P. compound causes multiple issues. The spouse rams guilt, expectations, society, and religious beliefs or family rules down their spouses throat. Threatens them with exposure. The question is do couples ever mend after knowing their vows were broken? Spouses who's partners step out of the marriage know inside they have, though until it is unavoidable they will stay quiet. They know deep inside there is a key component missing in the relationship and know it is a place they cannot find the doorway into. The spouse who stays with the partner who stepped out act like the victim only to gain control of their spouse as to do anything other could mean a change of their lifestyle and having to face their own inner self.
They lack the confidence or knowledge to work on themselves and find their own balance in life.
A paper marriage does not mean faithfulness between the partners when the relationship was entered into by two people who were not whole initially.
How few times do we look at when a person as an individual discovers what makes them tick do we say, "GOOD FOR YOU" when they find their happiness. How many times can we do this when someone is lost in sadness in a partnership that is hurting them discovers happiness?
Is it right to be a part of forcing an individual to accept where they felt stuck, emotionally detached, trapped, and living with the disease of the mind referred to as O.C.P. Auto-pilot and O.C.P. rules steal lives... Living life in invisible handcuffs is not an enjoyable life.
O.C.P. is a disease people develop during their lifetime and people certainly can die from it. The rates of suicide are extremely high and unfortunately goes unrecognized. In mental health, it is one thing to read studies, attend lectures obtain degrees, and or other to gain the experience to understand much of what human behavior has created throughout the world. The professional industries highlight co-dependency, unaware O.C.P. is birthed from both generational and societies not only from one household.
The majority of suicides occur from people who have reached out and been unsuccessful in acquiring the help or information they needed. Clients can sense and see it in their professional's eyes, hear it in how they articulate and interact with them. Who cares about theories, labels, or tools until the client feels safe and is able to acknowledge their feelings by accessing where those feelings come from and where they are within their body. Clients struggle until they discover this place within. Having a client identify a feeling exposes a client. When the client cannot access or isolate where their feeling is coming from they continue to struggle and especially when their feelings are left exposed.
In watching an episode of a very famous co-host on an app not long ago, the show was painful to watch. This hostess has read a great deal, hosted for many years yet are they truly equipped to deal with actual emotions of individuals or confirming society's O.C.P. rules. You choose as you read the following:
A couple was being interviewed. The general synopsis was about a couple who had been friends for years with another couple. Let's call them couple 1 and couple 2. Couple 2 moved away from couple 1's town. The husband of couple 1 was at home due to job loss with the children and the woman friend from couple 2 began writing emails to the husband of couple 1 as friends, as she too was a stay-at-home parent. The two of them discovered an emotional bond over time innocently and assigning it as friendship. Neither expecting anything other than enjoying the friendship through emails. The woman from couple 2 who had moved away came to visit the couple as equally being both their friends staying in couple 1's home. During which time one day the husband of couple 1 and the woman from couple 2 were talking and unaware they were bonding deeper. One thing led to another to sharing their bodies in an act that to society is considered cheating.
Of course, allowing this to go on in the couple's home is clearly not acceptable behavior and unfair to all involved. Continuing to stay in the matrimonial dwelling once this transpired with their spouse is hurtful.
The reality was that neither of these two parties had preplanned what transpired. Did they connect on an emotional level? The fact was that the husband was not emotionally connected with his own spouse. Did he "learn" the lesson or "a" lesson by having that experience or even staying? Did he accept his own feelings? The pain from there was actually in the secret and for him having stayed. Though none of this was discussed on the show but clearly he was not smiling or showing signs of being happy to be with his spouse. He was looking chastised.
The point here was watching this video it was in itself one of the most abusive video's I had ever witnessed. The hostess chastised this man as the wife held his hand with a firm face and a tight grip on his hand while agreeing with the hostess how guilty this man should feel for the rest of his life. The hostess and the wife were ramming religion down the masculine's throat. Religion that he obviously did not believe in anymore than his vows.
As the man sat in the chair being humiliated over the world-wide web of the internet it was clear very clear he was NOT happy. He was clearly no closer to his wife by being there. His words were saying what the hostess and the wife wanted to hear; as a viewer it was very clear the husband still did not have an emotional bond with his wife and under no circumstance was their relationship healed by him staying with her. It was clear he was in that chair from oppressed guilt and fear of giving up his O.C.P. life, not for love, it appeared to be fear based of his society around him, not for having a revelation and new found bond with his wife which was clearly missing...he was simply having expectation cast upon and rammed down his throat while he was made to sit in the hot seat, terrified to speak up to tell them all he was clearly not happy as a human by continuing in the marriage. In actuality he appeared a million miles away from the hostess and the spouse, he was off somewhere else in his bubble. He held her hand like a stranger and she held his like she won. What exactly do you think she won? A life where regardless to the humiliation she may bring down upon that man he would still not feel for her as she was demanding he portray to the world. The chance of sharing an emotional bond between these two were like mixing oil and water. Unlikely this man would share with this spouse what she stopped him from having for the sake of ownership and control.
Fortunately and unfortunately this man had an emotional connection for the first time in his life he allowed himself to feel, and he was being told by the society in which he lived by all rights it was WRONG. When he discovered that part of himself that completed his wholeness within him he like most O.C.P. individuals did not have the strength to be honest with his spouse or to end the marriage. Though suffering of O.C.P. we can understand why.
I often recommend to individuals it's much healthier to disengage from one relationship before entering another. It's important to feel whole before attempting to share life with another and far less confusing. A person who is unable to stand alone at any given time attributes to dysfunction. What happens if the person they left their spouse for dies the next day? Are they prepared to be alone?
Every individual arrives here on earth alone and shall leave the same way. There are lessons when people interact with one another and choices that are made in those moments which create the outcomes individually and the impact on their own lives. The person who steps out of their marriage to be with another it's only when they return are they cheating not only their spouse in addition and most importantly themselves.
There are reasons people move on and as a society to build dynamics for this to happen so children in the midst can have happier lives as they transition into the New World transpires will be for future generations to bestow until people learn how to partner in a true union versus generations of expectations. For people to know before they partner is where are their own feelings coming from within them and how to access that part of themselves and accept how they truly feel in addition to the other three sectors of our human selves. Until then society will keep on building generations of O.C.P. marriages and painful lives and broken families. When they reach the end of life they will wish for one thing and that is that they wished they'd found and experienced true love.
Clearly, this couple on the show was not in a healthy union nor happy. Societies around the globe say buddy you were married therefore you MUST with all shame sit there and diminish yourself to the point where it is unacceptable for you to have been happy within you or to seek it. Happiness is not found in sex. The reality is it wasn't about the sharing of their bodies here it was the emotional connection that caused the ending of the couple 1 who were still hanging on to their O.C.P. confinement. Ideally, the situation viewed by society as a whole would have been more acceptable had he left his wife prior to allowing himself to take that physical step and at least immediately following. Though for an O.C.P. man living in auto-pilot that is not an option at least one that they believe is an option.
Realistically this man could have clearly just moved out and managed the fallout or to another town and started his new life as his spouse could have as well and met their matrimonial responsibly as parents financially being apart versus rip one another's lives apart. O.C.P. couple break-downs fill the courts versus simply accepting that their relationship was not the union they too desired. A relationship/union cannot be about ownership and who's going to win at all cost...
This leading to the ultimate question society faces today: Does a piece of paper or stating words one believed while in auto-pilot 7, 10,16 years prior constitute the relationship as a union? What constitutes a union? When we pull out these types of messages from our pre-programmed minds, only then can we view those beliefs based on who we are as the adult one has become today or will be tomorrow and re-file the information as we have come to see and know in our own lives in the present.
The act of marriage in a church means little more than the paper it was written on if the two parties have not found an equal in an emotional commitment and able to feel whole which includes the other three sectors equally which makes us human and truly whole. If the two parties have not lived enough to have discovered whom they are as a person consisting of all four sectors of self and love themselves first without ego are they whole? Do they know where their feelings are within them to determine how they even feel or are they just falling into the meeting the markers society says are the goals living in their mental pre-programmed state? Are they going to last is determined by the union itself? Having faith is not just on Sundays it's 7 days a week 24 hrs a day. A person who is not a Christian or believes in all 10 commandments by their own choice and feels whole doing so has no business marrying another in a church or making such commitments. Who's at fault for this? The generations before us, long before us.
So if one of those commandments is broken how true is the marriage is the question? How do you want your life to unfold and what is the eventual you desire in being with another and sharing a life? Do you want to experience love with another or do you want to live an O.C.P. ego-based life that is not built on a secure foundation if you are not able to be your whole self?
It's become the norm in today's society when a person is discovered to having what is referred to as an affair, society injects upon the individual guilt, shame or expectations that lead to self-imprisonment of the individual whether they stay or go it's a life of torment so they are led to believe. Those counseling the couple are most likely O.C.P. themselves so how are they a healthy council when more than likely they are adding to the guilt, expectations of which way to proceed. It's like the blind leading the blind.
For those who choose to stay and accept the blame, guilt, and expectations they will show up in the relationship and do the do to save face and lead two lives; one in their tormented mind and the other in showing up to do the do. Unfortunately, their payback to their spouse is they will not allow their spouse into that place or experience them fully of whom they have discovered they are and there are reasons for this though unknown to many, unfortunately. What these individuals experience remains within them their lifetime often causing them much internal deep emotional pain. The question they live with every day after is asking themselves if they have the courage to dismantle the life they have been living with their O.C.P. partner. They constantly are questioning themselves if they can have the courage to walk out of an established lifestyle? The thinking of it all in the mind becomes far too overwhelming for most O.C.P. masculine's where the O.C.P. feminine almost always leaves or stays and ensures there are punishments for broken trust. Initially, it appears to be easier to stay in pain then to leave in fear of the unknown even if they have to sacrifice their own happiness just to stay. It's like taking a medication that you know no one whom it's cured but you take it anyways to alleviate the pain symptoms in the moment...Living without burden seems impossible to an O.C.P. person. Leaving the compound would mean a total collapse of their co-dependency that most O.C.P. masculine's are simply unable to detach from without a blueprint to do so. Staying is just as tormenting unable to release their emotions for their person they bonded with they live in two worlds. When our emotions are balanced our mental wellness increases.
What is love to these individuals? They begin to believe that feeling love for themselves is wrong and feeling an emotional bond and wholeness is also wrong. Whether they go or stay they know what they feel within and whether they show up in the old relationship or not, does not change what has transpired within them or whom they became by allowing themselves to feel whole. They develop a resentment for their spouse they silence under the mask. These individuals live in torment hoping one day they will magically awaken and their life will evolve or their partner will leave them so they can finally breathe. If you are beginning to see that this life for a person in auto-pilot and or O.C.P. has little light then you are beginning to awaken.
THE FEMININE O.C.P. WHO STRAY FROM A MARRIAGE
THE FIRST GROUP: The feminine who is the controlling dominant one, ego based. These feminine chose a masculine that will fall to their feet. Their partner will give to their every want. These feminine's will often be having sex with multiple others. They will only choose sex partners that are able to remain detached and accepting of a one night stand. These O.C.P. feminine's just like the other O.C.P. individuals are incapable of having an emotional bond with their partners. These couples are best described as oil and water. This feminine seeks her ego being fed at any cost. They will choose a masculine that has insecurities who are easily controlled. Their friends will look at them as fortunate.
After some time in the marriage this group will have sex with any passing available masculine willing to give them attention behind closed doors without attachment. These feminine's are not seeking relationships outside their marriage generally they are seeking attention and sex trying to fulfil what they can never find in their marriage, unaware it's emotions to complete their wheel. It's like the hunter hunting its prey. These couples generally go on for years until the masculine hits a wall of debt, the families of the masculine pull them out or the masculine commits suicide by not being able to keep up financially, lost and bound in an relationship without an emotional connection. Control = Abuse.
THE SECOND GROUP
This feminine is the one that seeks attention from many sources. During the day they will run the household, cook, clean, look after their children, read them stories and tuck them in at night. Once the child[ren] are asleep she is out the door to one club or another leaving her spouse the good father figure to oversee the household. She'll have her partner believe they are the rulers of the household by stroking their masculine ego from time to time. To those around this couple they are viewed as the perfect couple living the ALL AMERICAN DREAM. They are hitting the target marks.
Within the walls they create many distractions to keep distance from one another emotionally. They will look like the ultimate couple within their society. These masculine's generally have multiple hobbies, devoted to TV sports or the Leaders of a group of some sort, they will be seen as a pillar of their community. Each seeking attention from other people. They will give attention to others to fill in for the absence of their spouse's emotional connection. These feminine's are not generally seeking sex with others, they are after emotional attention, they seek the attention from other masculine's looking at them, engaging with them, any masculine's who are capable of admiring their beauty; the beauty their partners so often overlook or seldom compliment them on. The unfortunate reality is why would their partner be looking at them as a sensual partner when these feminine's were married to run the household, make their partners world go around like a mother figure in their mind. Unaware their partner married them to be their partner in their compound to run their household. Either recognizing their place in one another's mind, versus their emotions to fulfill their full wheel. These couples are often found nestled into society groups. Their extra activities are often work related or with friends who do not intermingle in their relationship with their spouse or day to day lives, they are the ones who they believe will keep their secrets or simply not share their behavior. These women generally stay with their partners for long term as the comforts of what is expected by society are status markers as they have no blueprint to leave. They occupy their lives to avoid their desires to be fulfilled by addressing all four parts of self. These couples generally forego discovering love for themselves. They spend their lives each day, take one look at themselves briefly before they adorn their emotional mask, very cautious to not allow it to slip within their O.C.P. compound of life. This feminine lives a dual life while the masculine fulfills the dutiful partner.
It's amazing is it not the justification humans have come to accept.
THE THIRD GROUP
This group of feminine's are those who start out strong willed and become exhausted in all four sectors of their being. Generally they have had children and a very busy life, they have been trapped at home for many years and feel suffocated by their partners constant needs, drowning out their own. They feel trapped in the shadows of their partner constant wants and needs. These feminine's have partners' who demand their partner runs the household and always puts their happiness before the feminine's. They have partners who are controllers, emotionally abusive, may have addictions. These feminine's are the ones who disappear out of the blue. What appears to be out of the blue is more often planned unknowingly to their spouse. These feminine's are generally spiritually driven. They are seeking peace. They live most days in fear. Control = Abuse.
This group once they have allowed themselves to hit rock bottom by the demands of their partner, one day tell themselves that is enough or their family, friends convince them to leave and assist them, or they research and build their bridge out of the compound, dismantling it behind them. These feminine's are usually well loved by those who know them. Their spouses one by one destroyed their relationships with their families and friends. Anyone who brought them happiness or the masculine felt threatened by was pushed out as the masculine demanded to be center of attention and would stop at little until they achieve it. The masculine's who distance their spouse from those they love cause these feminine's to completely turn off. When the day arrives these feminine's leave, is the day it's done completely never to look back.
These feminine's do not leave their spouse for another as they know that would be dangerous to do. They work on themselves and seeking information to evolve their full wheel.
They begin to become in tuned to what they deserve in this life. They begin to have value for their own self, emotionally, physically, spiritually and seek balancing their thinking to find balance in their life. Often these women have responsibilities such as children or animals that hold them in the compound so their spouse believes. They, like the mature masculine initially feel a guilt and out of that will stay for a period of time until they can hardly breathe; until one day they just leave or force their spouse out the door. After discovering who they thought would be a good dad a good provider for their children the masculine was unable to fulfil the expectation. Remember these masculine's were chosen based on being a good provider a good father figure. These feminine's often hesitant to take on a new partner. Often these women raise their children alone. When they date they keep their suitors away from their children if they date at all. Their focus is their children, becoming independent. They take a stance that no masculine will be allowed to take their independence from them in the future or tell them what they can or cannot do. Their trust of masculine's around their children becomes guarded. These feminine's demand breathing room. They become both parents for their children. As these feminine's awaken they become trail blazers and make life happen all around them. These woman look after themselves and their children and master it all as they become empowered by their independence.
These feminine's do not leave their marriage for another person they leave the marriage for themselves. Going within is their journey. They are capable of meeting all their own markers as they decide what those markers will be, unlike society's. These feminine's may have endured being raised by O.C.P. parents and are able to clearly see the markers that were once set. As they awaken they walk away from the old rules and blaze their own trail. They may open their world with their children enjoying every aspect of life and through their unconditional love their inspirations become visions driven by their passion. Their children often grow up to be trail blazers. This does not mean the children are perfect as they too will have often adopted early on O.C.P. conditioning. These children move through the cycles of O.C.P. rapidly often disinterested in having relationships as a partner as they mirror the independence of their parent who raised them. Many struggle with behaviors floating back and forth from O.C.P. traits of their past to their independence they seek as they awaken to their own wholeness. Like many on the planet have their lessons in their journey to experience on their own to discover who they are.
Masculine's may look at these feminine's as the impedimy of a feminine. They generally stand out in a crowd. Their independence is admired, they radiant their energy as they move with confidence through life, they often will catch the attention from those who are in their perimeter. As these feminine's awaken they become extremely selective as they empower themselves and do not need a partner. As they branch out on their own they quickly develop the ability to surmise who they can learn from and understand their value comes from within. When they awaken to their four sectors of self they move through life there after as whole. Masculine's who are subconsciously looking for an O.C.P. partner will be unable to connect with these feminine's. These feminine's become fully aware of their own capabilities and abilities. As a human being they desire human touch as all humans though do not ever underestimate they will trade their soul for touch. Many become what some may refer to as spiritual beings though these feminine's keep their feet planted in their earthly bodies versus being lost in the unknown. They are visionaries which means they are motivated by the energy in and around them. This group of feminine's couple on equality of wholeness versus ownership. Should the wheel become unbalanced they will stay on course constantly focused on their own balance. They live a life of ebb and flow. They are most attracted to as above, so below.
The saying there must be darkness before there can be light...is a message for those going forward from 2020 pandemic.
After reading about the era's, autopilot and O.C.P. lifestyles; know going forward in your life it is 100% up to you if you wish to continue to adhere to the past or allow yourself to be your own trail blazer? Are these acceptable lifestyles and is this what you want for your children to mirror in their lives? Which one of these scenario's would you consciously choose? If all this sounds like a losing battle of which group of O.C.P. or walking through life with invisible handcuffs of auto-pilot behavior and seems like a no win situation in the world do know it is not. There is another group in the coming chapter and a way to achieve being on that journey. Another's trauma is not your fault and it's not your burden to bare it is your accountability to work to find your own value and love for self and let them work through their trauma.
The good news is it's a responsibility of a writer is before exposing issues one must be able to point to solutions...each person reading this has an opportunity to heal their lives as at the end of each day the choices you make are your own. Writers only write words, it's up to the readers to digest and make their own choices which direction they go, what they take and what they leave behind. We can all either be a part of a bigger problem in the world or a part of a New World we create for ourselves. Decide what you want to share with yourself, with your children and what type of world do you choose for you from here. Do you want to be a part of the not so good or a part of the good vibrations life can have. There is vibration all around us. Did you know that everything living must have frequency - vibration in order to live? More information on this is shared in another publication you may be linked to farther on, depending upon your choices you make.
Those people who are living in the past era's will find themselves in the NEW WORLD terribly alone and out in what is referred to as a pasture to graze. Divorce lawyers have built careers out of O.C.P. relationships, control, abuse and fear. People around the globe lived in fear and after the pandemic of 2020 societies will on the whole have become more aware seeking truth versus fear based control. The taste of freedom was on everyone's lips world-wide...what an awakening 2020 was awakening the desire within for personal value.
What good are material lavish items if you are miserable, in debt or unable to share truly happy moments and experiences with others. What good is a house if it does not feel like home and holds you captive like a prisoner? What good is a garage full of toys if they sit for months? What good is a swimming pool if no one knows how to swim? What good is a big house if your family and friends seldom visit? What good is a closet full of fine clothes if you have nowhere to wear them? Is your life filled with ego or filled with love?
We are all destined to meet our person they say, though the choices we make could very well cause detours along the way. So if it's a person you hope to find in your life than choose to find you first or accept to stay in the same place as you are right now for your lifetime or decide to invest in yourself. You attract what you put out. What is it you wish to attract or send?
So let's take a look at what those who dreamt being a partner might look like. The next trip you take to a public park, a walkway you may just see something til now you have missed. You will be able to identify the O.C.P. couples and those who are truly unioned. Causing awareness is good though judging someone who is stuck is not so good. Be mindful. Remember what they say that karma never forgets an address.
A LOOK AT HEALTHY UNIONED COUPLE
We all see these couples out and about, at events, in movies, we read about characters in books, and see people fall in love in the movies. We all grow up knowing it exists and hope to find ourselves one day passionately in love. We all see them; they are those couples that when we see them it's difficult to take our eyes off of them. Though we are watching them, they seem to not notice they are the main attraction and why is, they are not in an egocentric mindset.
They are that couple you see strolling hand in hand so naturally exuding love. That couple you see smiling from within with a glow on their face that lights up anyone whose eyes are fortunate enough to catch a glimpse of them; know this is possible for you. A majority of these people grew up in homes, not households, they grew up being encouraged to live life and were encouraged to feel happy, to explore whom they were shown gratitude. Growing up in a loving supportive home their vibration is much higher than that of an O.C.P. individual who remains stuck and refuses to break the mold.
Or they were once O.C.P. individuals that allowed themselves to break free from the molds of generations past and discover who they were and brought into their lives what they found happiness in. They raised their vibration and met their person.
These couple's vibrations of their own being brought them into alignment with that of another who was vibrating at that same vibration. They grew up being taught or eventually discovered by giving the value of their four sectors of themselves through all of their senses not just one or two or three all four allowed them to move forward through life with ease and happiness. They do not judge, they walk their walk and talk their walk without fear, without expectations rather they give themselves goals. They are not dependent upon one another, they are dependent upon their own self.
These relationships are unions, generally last for the lifetime of the couple until one of them passes. When one passes over before the other, the one who remains continues to be whole and often continues life in happiness, not sorrow for having had the union. Their hearts, minds, and souls are balanced as they experienced the love we were all meant to experience here on earth. They lived life, As above, So below.
Balanced individuals are couples who have no need to be concerned their partner would wander, they have it all. The feminine joyfully attends to those tasks in which she's is happy to do with no regrets nor begrudging and seldom needs to be asked by her partner to assist. The masculine mirrors her with what the masculine brings to the table happily both mirroring one another positively. They cohabitate in a timeless bubble and though they are happy to share their time with others they are content to share their time with their partner and equally by themselves. They have no need to apply restrictions and love unconditionally not only themselves their partners. Their every desire is fulfilled. They are two separate individuals as a whole and together it's as though they are one. Though they may mingle with others there is no other that can penetrate their bubble as their frequency is theirs alone. They laugh and cry together, they shop and enjoy all aspects of life together as equally as they can stand alone. These couples have it all. Their happiness is not dependent upon one another nor materialistic items only an extension of their happiness from within as they match equally. Their lives are stable and unwavering. People of all ages are attracted to watch and interact with them.
As singles the whole individuals will only partner with an equal. Like eagles once they partner they will partner for life in a union. There is no expectations, there is only free will and an unconditional love between the two. When they look into each other's eyes they see themselves looking back. Ego has no place in their experience or their communication between them.
How these couples come together is much different from an O.C.P. couple. During initial contact with these couples as individual's their conversation is easy, flowing from one topic to the next. As they are sharing there is an emotional bonding, as one at a time, their conversation reaches all five senses, causing a chemical reaction in their bodies, unlike any previous experience. This cannot be faked, nor preplanned, it is a natural phenomenon reaction that scientists around the world have tried to dissect for many years. It's an experience that unless an individual has experienced this experience the individual usually have a difficult time understanding themselves let alone articulate their experience. What they feel, how they feel it. This causes a transfer and connection of energy that flows through what is referred to as a Vortex. Once a vortex is opened the energy flows back and forth regardless of the distance between them at any given time. These two individuals can feel one another regardless to where they are in the world. We hear bits and pieces about this through different events that people report and others study. The energy these couples share is unexplainable for most.
Unlike the O.C.P. coupling where auto-pilot behavior chooses the mate, then sex. These couples who couple through equality are much different. The entire body, mind, and spirit are involved which includes all four sectors of their being. It is through conversations these two come together unlike O.C.P. When you see these couples, you can sense there is something much different about them just passing by them on a street. They have a sense of timelessness, and they cause-effect to all those who come into contact with them.
O.C.P. delivers a life of turmoil versus a balanced journey and the opportunity to find a balanced union. When we look at the outcomes and unfortunate realities of O.C.P. coupling who would sign up for all that consciously? Who, unfortunately, what appears in the high 90's percentile of coupled relationships signed up for this type of auto-pilot / OCP relationship unknowingly. The cycles of O.C.P. will continue in the world until those going forward learn new ways and open new pathways for individuals for healthier present-day relationships. Until then people will keep struggling and showing up in relationships just; "doing the do", and simply accept to live life out in an O.C.P. lifestyle. When these O.C.P. individuals marry and sign that paper life unfolds to many unhappy days -weeks- years to for some a lifetime of turmoil and unmet expectations. You are led to believe you belong together until death do you part, through sickness and in health, and fall into the pattern of those before you, around you until one day if you do awaken. Will you spend your life-time in frustration, unmet emotional fulfillment? Most O.C.P. individuals find themselves living life alone in a relationship.
A story for you: One day a man who delivered our take-out food who had been delivering for years appeared deeply saddened. I asked him what was troubling him. He told me his spouse wanted a divorce. I looked at them and happily shared the following: "Good for you, you don't have to go another day spending your days with someone who is unable to love you as you know you desire to be loved. You can take time to know exactly what you want in a relationship now that you know what it is you do not want and love yourself so to, to be open to sharing a love. You can go out in the world to discover everything you desire. Good for you." He turned to me and smiled from within and said, "Wow! No one has shared that with me, I like that, thank you".
O.C.P. individuals born from the eras of expectation subconsciously being held by invisible handcuffs living an O.C.P. lifestyle are those individuals therapy was built upon. Many professionals make a very good living providing auto-pilot textbook information to those who seek attempts to fix/heal their relationships as a couple. In reality, oil and water rarely mix. Couple sessions cause these couples subconsciously to bury their own true identity, ultimately built upon the eras of O.C.P. rules and expectations. The client is led down the pathway the only way to get through it all is to fall in line. It's patchwork often based on guilt versus self-accountability to heal. Many stay in therapy until they are able to suppress what it is they truly desire in life by all four parts of their human self to conform to society's mental rules around marriage. They spend years in exercises designed to apparently bring couples back together.
Working with couples means offering them individual time to heal first separately versus together which often one is farther than the other. Until each individual is whole, it's like mixing oil and water. No one person owns another in this world and to achieve couple therapy means accepting this at some point. No one is to blame...we are all subjected to our own set of lessons in life and they are not all the same that is why we are individuals. If your actions ultimately are focused upon controlling another that is O.C.P. behavior. If you are blaming another for their growth with or without you that is O.C.P. behavior. Learning healthy communication is vital to a persons' growth, stability and self-accountability.
Understanding the seriousness of auto-pilot / O.C.P. lifestyles is critical to finding personal happiness, having a relationship with yourself prior to entering into one with another. Over the years I have found people to have great success once they know where their feelings come from. Without knowing this it's like shooting for an eye of a needle in the dark. Once you have discovered all four parts of yourself you are better able to communicate with self and others and accept self-accountability. Through clear communication and letting go of O.C.P. autopilot behaviors learning new communication tools you can then choose to show up in the world as your whole self versus the old self stuck in autopilot and the invisible handcuffs of O.C.P.
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